Anything But Ordinary
by Karevsanatomy
Summary: AU HS Fic All her life Meredith has been called ordinary. Driven to self mutilation, she finds a safe haven when her mother ships her off to boarding school. Pairings will be Meredith Derek. Some Mark and Addison Izzie and Denny, and Izzie and Alex.
1. Dark and Twisty Meredith

-1This is my first attempt at a high school fic. I came up with this idea thanks to my brilliant and amazing friend Amy aka Skullflap. Thank you for taking the time to read and please let me know what you think. Good and bad comments are welcome.

Premise: This is an alternative universe fic where all the interns, and some of the attendings, are in high school. They attend a prestigious boarding school in Boston. Some of their background stories from the show are the same, but some I have changed because they don't really fit in with my storyline.

Pairings: There are no definite pairings for this fic as of yet. It is really more about the individuals and their choices.

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. If I did Derek would grow some balls and not stand by while the woman he loves is slapped, Meredith wouldn't be Shonda's personal punching bag, George wouldn't be getting more play than the man whores, and Izzie and Alex would admit they love each other.

July 4th,

Seattle, Washington

The bursts of color that illuminated the sky and danced across the dark water of Puget Sound brought only a ghost a smile to the slender girl sitting on the rail of ferryboat F234978. One baby blue flip flop had already slid from her foot into the churning water. Her breath had caught momentarily when the rubber and foam had disappeared into the darkness. It hadn't been enough to scare her back onto the safety of Deck B though. While she might be ordinary, she followed through. She had committed to this suicide thing and she would see it through. If for no other reason than to show the world that her mother wasn't perfect, because perfect mother's did not have suicidal children.

"You don't want to do it."

Green eyes grow large, fingers start to slip. She sucks her breath it, grappling to steady her precarious perch on the cold rail. The other shoe slides into the black water. When she would have slipped as well a pair of strong hands grab her under her arms. "Let me go!" She twists her body every which way. She wasn't going to let some unknown boy ruin her suicide.

"Will you stop doing that? I'm trying to save you here!" The boy tightened his hold on her, grunting a bit as he tugged her over the rail. They fell backwards, hitting the metal deck with a resounding clang. Nobody noticed, the other passengers were to engrossed in the fireworks lighting up the night sky.

"I didn't want to be saved, you asshole!" They had fallen in a tangle of limbs. It takes her a moment to free herself from his warm embrace. She shivers slightly, rubbing her bare arms. "Thanks a lot. Now, I'm going to have to go home and explain that note to my mother."

"You were serious? You were going to jump?" The boy stares at her, his face frozen in shock. A boom shakes the ferry slightly as another round of fireworks illuminate the sky. Brilliant blues. The fact that the boy's eyes were the same shade of blue wasn't lost on her. She was suicidal, not blind. "Why?"

Why? She frowns. She hadn't really thought of a reason, other than pissing her mother off, which suddenly did not seem like a very good reason at all. "I'm dark and twisty. Dark and twisty people jump off ferry boats." Had she really just said that? God, she really was as pathetic as her mother said.

"You got dumped, didn't you?" He gives her a sympathetic, knowing look. Anger spurs her into motion. She rises, standing over him, her pixie like face a mask of fury. "Hey, no need to get pissed off. I have five sisters. I know all about girls being dumped."

The arrogant prick. She didn't care if he had five hundred sisters. In fact, she didn't care one way or the other what he thought. Not caring didn't stop her from biting back with "For you information, I wasn't dumped. In order to be dumped I would have to have a boyfriend and I don't have time for loser's. Like you. My life just sucks." Tossing her shoulder length hair back, she raises her chin. She does what she knows to be a perfect replication of her mother's condescending look before turning to walk away. The deck was cold beneath her bare feet and a wind had picked up, bringing a cool breeze off the Sound. Her tank top and khaki shorts did nothing to protect her.

"Here." A dark blue flannel shirt drapes around her shoulders. It smelled of fabric softener and fresh smelling cologne. "I'm sorry if I upset you. Usually when one of my sisters get suicidal its because they've been dumped. Although, I have to say, none of them have pulled a Titanic and climbed the railing of a boat. Closest one ever came to that was Nan threatening to jump off a bridge when Toby Harris dumped her for Kylie Adams."

Was she suppose to care? She didn't. Right now the only thing on her mind was having to face her mother, who had most likely seen the note by now, and the fact that in two weeks she was being shipped off to Boston. Apparently normal high school wasn't good enough for her mother. Oh no, had to ship the ordinary disappointment off to some hoity toity school in a stuck up city. "You didn't upset me. I just have issues. Lots and lots of issues. Mostly Daddy issues."

"Ah. Divorce." Again he had that all knowing tone, that sympathetic look. She shoots him a dark look, noticing for the first time how much potential he had in the cuteness department. He wasn't a grade A hottie but he had definite potential. His looks were one's he had to grow into. One day he would be a real dream boat. He already had the eyes. Crystal blue, all seeing.

"My parents got divorced when I was three. I barely remember dad. Hence the Daddy Issues." She slides her arms into the shirt. The cuffs fall well past her to thin wrists. "Well, it's been real, but I have to be going. This is my stop." It wasn't her stop. It wasn't anywhere near her stop. She would have to wait for another ferry but that was okay. She just wanted away from this boy with the all seeing blue eyes and the knight in shining whatever complex.

"Hey, wait, aren't you going to at least tell me your name? I mean, I did save your life and all."

She looks over her shoulder, smiling. "Meredith." She makes her way towards the line that had formed to disembark the boat.

"Don't you want to know my name, Meredith?"

He just wouldn't go away. She lets out a frustrated sigh, wincing as the man in front of her steps on her bare toe. "Fine. What's your name of wonderful knight in shining whatever?" She mutters a curse, sucking in her breath when the man once more steps down on her foot. Son of a bitch it hurt.

"Derek. Derek Shepherd." His voice was practically in her ear. She could feel the warmth of his body behind her. Great. The guy saved her life, uninvited, and now he was stalking.

"Derek, you can go away now. I'm fine. No more jumping off ferries. And, I promise not to step in front of any moving vehicles. I'm going to get a cab and go home." There. Maybe now he would take the not so subtle hint that he wasn't wanted, or needed, in her life.

"I'm not following you. This is my stop to. My car's parked in the aquariums parking lot. I just caught the ferry so I could see the fireworks. And rescue pretty damsels in distress."

Just her luck. She shouldn't be surprised, not with the way her luck ran. Really, she wasn't. Wrapping her arms around her, she steps onto the cement of the dock. "This is where I'm suppose to say thank you…even though I didn't want saved…so thank you. Now, you're suppose to say you're welcome and leave."

"Okay. You're welcome." He grins at her, two dimples appearing in his cheeks. Yeah, definite dream boat material there. All the more reason to get away and get away fast. "Sure you wouldn't rather I give you a ride home?"

"Thanks, but no. I rather enjoy conversing with the cabbies. Gives me a chance to brush up on my foreign languages. Good bye Derek." She gives him one last tight lipped smile before running towards the nearest cab. Once inside, she leans her head back, trying to think of what excuse she could give her mother for the note. Nothing comes to mind. There was no excuse. Maybe that's what she would tell her mother. She was dark and twisty Meredith and Ellis could just deal!


	2. Amazing

-1Disclaimer:

Milton Academy is an actual school. It is located 8 miles outside of Boston. Acceptance into this school is extremely difficult and most of the students that attend end up going onto such universities as Duke, Dartmouth, Harvard, Yale, and Brown. I have borrowed the name and nothing more. Please do not associate my story with the actual Milton Academy.

August 18th

Boston, Massachusetts

Milton Academy was an academic's wet dream. The teachers all held doctorates, the SAT scores averaged in the middle to high 1300 rage, and the students were the cream de la crème. Not a single one of those students sported pink hair. Except the sullen faced Meredith Grey who grudgingly followed behind a girl she had dubbed The Newport Barbie. Erica Hahn was her actual name, but with her glossy blonde curls, china doll blue eyes, and creamy complexion she was the epitome of what a Milton student should look like. Unlike Meredith herself, who had taken great pleasure in having her dark blonde hair streaked with pale pink. The long sleeved, almost floor length black dress she wore also gave her a great deal of satisfaction. It wasn't that she found the hair or the dress fashionable, quite the opposite; although she did enjoy the wide eyed, open mouth looks she received.

"…most amazing time." This was the twentieth time Newport Barbie had used the word amazing to describe some sort of activity that was dorm related. Yes, Meredith was counting. It beat actually listening to the girl gush on and on about how 'amazing' theme bowling was, or how 'amazing' pumpkin carving at Halloween was. It would seem that everything about Robbins House was just…amazing. "You're rather lucky, you have a single room. As do I. There are some girls who have to board together. Usually the charity cases."

Meredith lifted one of her brows, the one she had let Ashley Morgan pierce. "Charity cases?"

Newport Barbie nodded, her flaxen curls bouncing on smooth shoulders left bare by a pristine white sun dress that looked like something a 1950's housewife would wear. "The school offers financial aide. Can you believe it? Usually the students who would qualify for it don't pass the SSAT with a high enough score. This year three students made it, one of which is this dreadful girl named Isobel. She actually introduces herself as Izzie. How blasé is that? The other two are boys. One is this chubby Irish kid, the other some brainiac who aspires to be a neurosurgeon."

"My mother is a neurosurgeon," Meredith said flatly. If she hadn't already disliked Newport Barbie before, she definitely did now. "She invented the Grey Method. They teach at Harvard and Dartmouth." _Suck on that you stuck up bitch_, Meredith thought smugly.

"That's right, your mother is Ellis Grey. My father is Lucian Hahn, perhaps you've heard of him," the older girl smiled prettily.

She knew who Lucian Hahn was, had even met the man on several occasions. In fact, he had been the bastard to tell her mother about this place. Meredith coached her face into a stoic expression. "I'm sorry, the name doesn't ring any bells. Unless they're brilliantly spectacular my mother doesn't mention them."

The other girl stares at her for a moment, a flush creeping up her cheeks. She said nothing back, made no effort to point out that her father had scrubbed in on several of Meredith's mother's surgeries; instead she simply opened the door to a room on the second floor. "This is your room. Mine is just down the hall if you need anything."

Forcing a rather bland smile Meredith thanked the girl then promptly entered the plain white room that was to be her prison cell for the next nine months. Fall backwards onto the single bed under the lone window, she makes a mental note the befriend the girl named Izzie, the chubby Irish kid, and the brainiac who wanted to be a neurosurgeon. Wouldn't that just piss Ellis off. Meredith stubbing a family friend's daughter for the financially impaired rejects nobody else wanted to talk to.


	3. Cut The Pain Away

-1Disclaimer: Please do not attempt any of the things Meredith does to get attention. They are not only harmful to one's self but not the answer either. If you are currently harming yourself, thinking about it, or know someone who is please, please talk to someone who can help you!

On another note, the real Milton Academy has dining halls in each of the dormitories. For the purposes of this fic I am doing away with those and having a common eating area.

It only hurt for a split second; a small stinging sensation as the razor cut into the ivory toned skinned of her inner thigh. The blood trickled slowly downward, staining the edge of her pale yellow panties and dripping onto the white tile of the bathroom floor. Wouldn't Ellis just die if she knew her prized ten blade had been swiped for self mutilation? Not that the woman would care. The only thing Ellis cared about was finding new ways to prove to people that she was God.

Tucking her lower lip between perfect white teeth, Meredith holds the scalpel with perfect precision as she draws it along another portion of her thigh. Another path of crimson wound down her between her legs to pool on the floor. Her mother would have been proud of the cuts, of the exactness.

"Meredith?" The soft call of her name was followed by an even softer tapping on the bathroom door. "Is everything okay?"

The scalpel made a soft clattering noise as it fell against the stark white tile, splattering drops of blood across Meredith's cotton covered crotch. "I'm fine Izzie. Just give me a minute, okay?" She had forgotten about inviting Izzie to walk to dinner with her. From the moment she had introduced herself to the frizzy haired girl from New Jersey two days ago she had felt a kinship. No doubt sweet innocent Izzie would be horrified to learn how her new friend got her kicks.

"Okay. I invited a few other girls to walk over with us. I hope that was okay." The door jiggled a bit after a small bump. Izzie no doubt leaning against the wall next to the bathroom door. "It's just that girl from our history class, Addison Montgomery, and this other girl who just arrived. I think she said her name was Cristina. She has the neatest sounding accent."

Using a dark blue towel, Meredith wipes the blood from the floor. She frowns before rubbing the nubby cotton over the fresh incisions. Her breath catches in her throat, tears burn her eyes. She had never had to wipe the blood from fresh wounds. Usually she ran a shower, let the water running down wipe away all evidence of her self inflicted pain. She should have known better than to give into the urge with Izzie coming by. The phone call from her mother had pushed her to the point of breaking. Ordinary, spineless Meredith who couldn't even commit suicide and dyed her hair silly colors. Stupid Meredith who was never going to amount to anything. Why couldn't Ellis just call to ask how she was? Why did every phone call have to turn into a belittle Meredith opportunity?

She tugs her ankle length black skirt down over her legs before gripping the edge of the sink. Using the cold, porcelain basin for leverage, she pulls herself to her feet. She stands before the mirror for a moment, tucking a lock of pale pink and dark blonde hair behind her ear. The thick ring of eyeliner around her sad green eyes was smudged and running down her cheeks. If it wouldn't have scared or worried Izzie she would have left it. Instead, she uses the towel to wipe the mess away, leaving her with the look of two black eyes. There was no help for that.

Forcing a smile, she twist the door knob open and gives Izzie a small shove. The taller girl stumbles forward a bit, letting a startled yelp out. "Ready?"

"What took you so long? You look kind of pale." Izzie followed behind her like a puppy, if puppies were reed thin, 5 foot ten, with frizzy blonde hair and a flat chest. "Are you feeling okay? You're not getting sick are you?"

Meredith shook her head, shivering slightly. She could feel blood trickling down her legs. There had been no time to put something on the cuts. "I'm fine. Honest. So, where are we suppose to meet Addison and the girl with the neat sounding accent?"

"Out front. They both had study hall with Ms. Bailey. I don't have her this year, but I hear she's a real Nazi." Izzie wrinkles her freckled nose and bounces down the staircase, her thick ponytail flying in every direction.

"I have her for Economics." Meredith pauses for a moment two steps up from the honey colored wood floor of the foyer. A few feet away the Newport Barbie and her clones stood whispering. Winking in their direction, she jumps from where she is at, smirking when her thick heeled Mary Jane's make a thunking noise on the floor. The whispers picked up speed. No doubt they were discussing how horrific it was having Income Challenged Izzie and Meredith the Freak living under the same roof as them. Well fuck them. Stupid bitches. "One of these days they're going to be walking, it's going to start raining, and they're going to drown." Izzie stares at her for a moment, then giggles. "What? It's true. They walk around with their nose so stuck in the air it's only a matter of time."

"One can only hope." Izzie loops her skinny arm through Meredith's. They skip down the four cement steps that led up to Robbins House, laughing when they trip over a crack in the side walk.

From her spot beneath a large oak tree dripping in moss, Addison asked if they had been walking long. Meredith replied back with a flippant 'no' before holding out a hand to the sullen faced Korean girl leaned against the trunk of the tree. "I'm Meredith."

"Cristina." The name flowed from the girl's tongue in an accent that would have been musical if not for the cold nature of the tone. Glossy black hair was twisted into two large knots at the base of her neck and held in place with chopsticks the same shade of navy blue as the corset she wore over a long sleeved white blouse. There was no mistaking the designer cut of her dark washed denims or the fact that she wore pointy toed Jimmy Choo's. No doubt it ate Newport Barbie and friends that the girl wanted nothing to do with them, which was made evident when she flipped them the bird as they walked past. "Someone should tell Barbie that her dress is so last season."

"You do that," Addison mused. A year older she had a tendency to lord over the others. It wasn't an act of dictatorship or superiority, it was just her way. Meredith had figured Addison out after ten minutes. The red haired girl liked to be in control; she was quiet about it, didn't throw a fit when she wasn't, and was willing to alter the course when someone else presented a better idea. "Erica Hahn thinks she is God's gift to everyone. Her family is on the verge of bankruptcy though. I overhead my father discussing it with my mother. Apparently ole Lucian isn't as adept with money as he is with a scalpel. That, and he likes a little nose candy."

Addison was a fountain of information on the walk over to the dining hall, divulging information that could easily get her father disbarred. Except he was Harrison Forbes-Montgomery of Montgomery, Crane, Poole, and Schmidt; he was untouchable the way Ellis was untouchable. The man was no doubt clueless to the fact that his invisible daughter told his clients secrets; just as Ellis was clueless to why her size ten scalpel was missing. Addison bled the pain away with words, Meredith with each cut of her delicate flesh.


	4. Ferryboat Girl

-1Dining halls were where the natural selection process of who was who in high school occurred. There was something in the air that made students, faculty, and anyone who entered divide into the group best suited to their social status. Woe be unto anyone who challenged the natural selection process.

Derek Shepherd was about to do just that. A sense of dread filled him as he followed behind his lab partner. His fingers tighten around the edges of the red plastic tray he carried. Some of the dread, as well as a good majority of the tension his body had tightened up with, eased when Alex Karev passed the jock table. Sure most of the students seated there called for him to grab a chair. Alex just shook his head and kept walking.

Their walk ended at a corner table full of girls. A tall, slender red head with large eyes that looked as though they had seen to much; a girl of Korean descent whose gaze dared anyone to cross her; a too skinny girl with curly light brown hair that leaned toward the frizzy side and doe brown eyes that were full of trust and innocence. The girl with her back to him looked to be nothing more than skin and bones, her blonde hair streaked with a pastel pink.

"Derek, this is my cousin Addison." Alex nodded towards the red head who acknowledged the introduction with a slight nod of her head. "Not sure who the others are." Without waiting for an invite Alex yanks out a chair between the Korean girl and the frizzy haired girl.

Hesitating for a moment, Derek debates whether or not he should grab the chair between Alex's cousin and the girl with pink hair or sit at the nearby empty table. The cousin, Addison, scoots the chair out and offers him a smile. He smiles back, setting his tray down. "I'm Derek."

"So I gathered. This is Cristina." The Korean girl. He earned a glare for the smile he sends her direction. "Izzie." The frizzy haired girl smiles brightly and gives him a little wave. "Meredith." The pink haired girl glances in his direction, her green eyes widening.

No. It couldn't be. Yet, it was. The boat jumper was sitting next to him. She no longer wore the cute blue tank top or khaki shorts but a rather hideous black dress that covered her from neck to ankle. "Meredith and I already know each other, don't we?"

"You do?" Alex looked at him oddly. "I thought you said you didn't know anyone here."

"I didn't realize Meredith would be here. Our last conversation consisted of Meredith's love of taxi cabs and foreign languages." Derek kept his tone light. He could feel her tension next to him. She was no doubt terrified he would spill how they knew each other; that he had saved her from jumping to her death in the Puget Sound on the 4th of July. "Not where we would be going to school. Plus, I was a last minute admission."

"Right. Derek here is a freaking genius. And, he's my lab partner!" There was a hint of pride in the other boy's voice. As though obtaining Derek as a lab partner was something extraordinary.

"Aw. Now all you have to do is find someone good at math and maybe you won't be a complete failure this year," Addison cooed sweetly. A French fry hit her in the face. She blinks then scowls in her cousin's direction. "You are such a loser!"

"I'm good at math." Izzie squeaked out. Her pale cheeks flushed when everyone looked in her direction. Her rail thin body slumps down in the seat.

"How are you at Geometry?"

Derek tuned the rest of the conversation out. Poor girl, smiling like an idiot at handsome Alex who only dated girls that put out. Somehow, he couldn't see sweet little Izzie putting out. He turned his attention to the sullen girl next to him. In a way he was glad she was here. Not a day had passed that he hadn't worried about her. He had gotten in the habit of scanning the Obits, terrified that he would see her name.

She looked up, as though she could sense him staring. He smiles at her, getting a tight lipped one back. Poor girl. So dark and twisty. One day, soon he hoped, he planned on bringing out a brighter side to her life. Showing her that not everything or everyone was against her. If it was the last thing he did, Derek Shepherd would show Meredith Grey she was special.


	5. Ellis Not Welcome

If there was a God, and she wasn't quite convinced that there was, some lawyer would show up with evidence that there had been a screw up at Seattle Grace Hospital sixteen years ago and she was really the daughter of this nice, normal couple who couldn't wait to welcome her into their lives. They wouldn't send her nasty emails reminding her that while she was nothing but ordinary she still needed to try and not be an embarassment.

Propping her chin on her open palm, Meredith stared at the screen of her laptop. The email was still pulled up. She could almost hear Ellis snipping the words at her.

_Meredith,_

_I realize that you are nothing more than ordinary but do try and not be an embarassment. It has come to my attention that you are still persisting in having those hideous pink stripes in your hair and that you refuse to wear anything other than that horrid black dress of Aunt Helen's. I must insist that you stop this silly behavior, do something with the hair, and start dressing normal. If you fail to do so I will be forced to take time out of my busy schedule to fly up there and see that you straighten yourself out! Also, my very first ten blade seems to be missing. If you happen to recall what has become of it please let me know. It is rather important to me. _

_**Ellis.**_

No Love Mom. Just Ellis. Such a charmer. So full of maternal love. Wrinkling her nose, Meredith pulls one long pink lock of hair forward. As much as she enjoyed the shock the colored high lights brought to people's faces, they were not worth having to deal with her mother. The last two weeks had been rather nice, aside from the fact that they had been spent at boarding school.

A bleeping noise draws her attention away from her hair and back to the computer screen.

**SoullessBitch [7:00: My roommate is a fucking loser.**

Frowning, Meredith chews her lower lip. Had she given anyone her screen name? Izzie had it, but her screen name was l'amourimortel, not SoullessBitch. Or was it just some random internet stalker who liked to pray on loser girls who had pink hair and wore smelly old black dresses? Cocking her head to the side she types…

**Ame-en-Peine [7:00: Who is this?**

**SoullessBitch [7:01: Who the bloody hell do you think it is? **

**Ame-en-Peine [7:02: Is this Cristina?**

**SoullessBitch [7:02: Yes! Who else would it be?**

**Ame-en-Peine [7:03: How should I know? You could have been some perverted old man with plans to lure me into your polygamy cult. **

**SoullessBitch [7:04: Oh yes. You found me out. I want to lure you away and get into your crusty panties. **

**SoullessBitch [7:04: Come here little girl! Come to daddy!**

**Ame-en-Peine [7:05: You are nasty! lol**

**SoullessBitch [7:06: You know you want me. **

Laughing, Meredith starts to type a response, only to have the screen blocked by a small blue box. A chat invite. She raises both brows. Wasn't she the popular one tonight.

**SoullessBitch [7:07: By the way, Addison is going to send you a chat invite. You have to come save me. Alex and Derek are in there. Along with that jackass Mark Sloan, whose screen name is iwannagetlaid by the way. So fitting. **

Laughing again, Meredith hits accept. No doubt she would regret it.

**iwannagetlaid : Fucking bailey sucks! Stupid bitch wrote me up for being late. Which is such a fucking lie. She locked the god damn door and I couldn't get in! **

**DrShepherd: Maybe you should try getting there before the bell rings.**

**43karev: Mark be on time? What the fuck ever!**

**iwannagetlaid: I can be on time! **

**TrueLoveIsShoeLove: lol **

**Ame-en-Peine has entered the room**

**L'amourImortel has entered the room**

**iwannagetlaid: Who the fuck are Ame-en whatever and L'AmourImortel? **

**TrueLoveIsShoeLove: Meredith! Izzie! **

**SoullessBitch: About time some decent people showed up. Was getting a bit sick of the moronic chavs. coughMarkcough **

**iwannagetlaid: You know you want me!**

**SoullessBitch: I think you have me confused with all those tartlets who chase you around. Personally, I prefer a real man, not some childish school boy. **

**43karev: roflmao**

**TrueLoveIsShoeLove: You are my new hero! **

**L'amourImortel: brb phone…**

**SoullessBitch: Probably her loser boyfriend. rolls eyes**

**43karev: Izzie has a boyfriend?**

**Ame-en-Peine: George. **

**SoullessBitch: He's a bad kisser.**

**iwannagetlaid: haha**

**43karev: When did she get a boyfriend?**

**iwannagetlaid: why the fuck do you care? Oh. Wait. That's right. Olivia dumped your ass!**

**L'amourImortel: George is not my boyfriend! **

**Soulless: He is a boy. He is your friend. Hence he is your boy friend. **

**L'amourImortel: Whatever. That's just gross. I've known him since like kindergarten. And, for the record, I only kissed him once. Once! In the third grade. All third grade boys are bad kissers.**

**iwannagetlaid: I wasn't.**

**SoullessBitch: Go blow yourself.**

**iwannagetlaid: I wish!**

**Ame-en-Peine: Cris, what is wrong with your roommate?**

**SoullessBitch: Sydney Herron. Need I say more? Silly chit does nothing but giggle and coo. Everything is just charming or quaint. I fear that I may very well smother her in her sleep.**

**43karev: Please do! **

**iwannagetlaid: Girl is beyond annoying. Had the little cunt in English last year. **

**TrueLoveIsShoeLove: Will you stop using that word! And where is Derek?**

**DrShepherd: Still here. Going over my chemistry homework.**

**43karev: Dude! We have homework in there?**

**iwannagetlaid: cunt cunt cunt**

**DrShepherd: Yeah. We're suppose to read the first chapter and work out the problems on page 27. **

**43karev: damn. I gotta go!**

**43karev has left the room**

**TrueLoveIsShoeLove: You have your work cut out being his lab partner Derek! lol He is like retarded when it comes to anything but sports. **

**L'amourImortel: Addison! That isn't very nice! **

**SoullessBitch: Aw, Izzie do you like Addison's retarded cousin? **

**L'amourImortel has left the room**

**iwannagetlaid: haha. Guess that answers that! Wait. Is she hot?**

**TrueLoveIsShoeLove: Izzie is sweet.**

**SoullessBitch: Disgustingly sweet.**

**Ame-en-Peine: She really is. **

**iwannagetlaid: ugh. Gag. Karev can have her. I don't do sweet.**

**SoullessBitch: According to your screen name you're not doing anyone**

**TrueLoveIsShoeLove: I really could kiss you right now Cristina!**

**iwannagetlaid: Can I watch?**

**Ame-en-Peine: Is he always so perverted?**

**TrueLoveIsShoeLove: Always. **

**iwannagetlaid: You didn't complain last year when I popped your cherry after prom!**

**TrueLoveIsShoeLove: You are such a skeeze! Why don't you just go away! And…I was drunk!**

**iwannagetlaid: Sure whatever. **

**TrueLoveIsShoeLove: I was!**

**iwannagetlaid: You weren't drunk last night.**

**Ame-en-Peine has left the room**

**SoullessBitch has left the room**

A ghost of smile flitters across Meredith's lips when the computer bleeps out the warning of another IM box.

**L'amourImortel [8:15: I do like him**

**Ame-en-Peine [8:17: I kind of figured that when you left.**

**L'amourImortel [8:18: I am such a moron. Guys like him don't like girls like me.**

**Ame-en-Peine [8:18: Girls like you?**

**L'amourImortel [8:19: Yeah. Tall as them. No boobs. Frizzy hair. Skinny as a freaking toothpick.**

**Ame-en-Peine [8:21: lol**

**L'amourImortel [8:22[**

**Ame-en-Peine [8:23: Guys are stupid. **

**L'amourImortel [8:23: Says the girl who has probably had at least a dozen boyfriends. I've never even had one! The only guy I've ever kissed was George. And that was back in the third grade.**

**Ame-en-Peine [8:24: lol**

**L'amourImortel [8:24: Sure. Laugh. [**

**Ame-en-Peine [8:25: Sorry. I'm not laughing at you. I promise. I just think you don't give yourself enough credit. You're one of the sweetest people I know.**

**L'amourImortel [8:25: Aww. 3**

**Ame-en-Peine: **

**L'amourImortel: Ugh. Stupid phone. My mom. Again. I swear she keeps calling. So annoying! I'll talk to you tomorrow. **

A few quick clicks and she logged off. There really was not point in staying online. Cristina had disappeared and Izzie was talking to her mother. Pushing away from her desk, Meredith stands up, looking down at the black dress. It really was hideous; which was exactly why she had chosen it. She lets out a sigh, then pulls it over her head. A shiver quivers through her body as she stands there in a pair of pink panties with purple candy hearts on them and a blue flowered bra. Balling up the dress, she stuffs it into the small light blue metal trash can under her desk. Dusting her hands, she gives her head a smart nod. She wasn't doing this for Ellis. She was doing this for her sanity. Milton Academy, as well as the friends she had made, had become her sanctuary. Ellis Not Welcome!


	6. Izzie Likes Alex

Laying flat on her back, long legs stretched out and propped against the wall, she chews a hang nail loose from her right thumb. Her left ear was hot, borderline numb, and sore from listening to her mother ramble on and on. The woman was still talking. Every so often Izzie would insert an uh huh or oh yeah. Carol Stevens gave new meaning to smothering motherhood.

She glances up when the door to the bathroom bangs against the side of her roommate's dresser. A roll of steam pours out, as well as a half naked Mhari Delphino. It was the one thing that truly annoyed her about her roommate. The girl had a habit of parading around in little more than a thong. Could she not put clothes on?

"Have you seen my pink tank top? The one with the little bears on it?" The twin globes of her breasts bounced as she vigorously towel dried her pale hair. Izzie grimaces, looking down at her own flat chest. Where was the fairness? Mhari had to much, and she had none. "I can't remember where I put it."

"Listen, Mom, can I call you back tomorrow?" Gritting her teeth she listens as her mother does the usual rounds of I love you's, be safe's, and I miss you so much's. "Gaw. That woman never shuts up." With one slender hand, she rubs her ear. "Check under your pillow. I think you stuffed it under there this morning."

"Thanks." A moment later the pink cotton is pulled over her chest. "Your little IM thing is flashing."

Sliding her feet down the white wall, Izzie scoots her body into an angle where she can see who had sent her a message. It wouldn't be Meredith, or Cristina. Both of them had signed off. Her breath catches in her throat when she notices the screen name. 43karev.

**43karev [9:21: hey**

**L'amourImortel [9:38: hey!**

**43karev [9:38: so you are here! **

**L'amourImortel [9:39: Yeah. I was on the phone with my mom again. She won't stop calling! **

**43karev [9:39: lol **

**43karev [9:39: I was on the phone to. Becky. **

Izzie's fingers pause over the keyboard. Her lower lip tucks between her teeth. She didn't know much about the illusive Rebecca except she was a year older than Alex, her nickname was Becky, and she had broken up with him this summer. Oh, and Alex still had feelings for her. Amazing what a person learned over mathematic problems.

**43karev [9:41: Iz? You still there?**

**L'amourImortel [9:41: Yeah. Sorry. **

**43karev [9:42: No problem. I called her to ask her about some of these stupid chemistry problem. This class is going to kick my ass. **

**L'amourImortel [9:43: Oh. Was she able to help you?**

**43karev [9:44: No. She was going to give me the answer. I have to work the problems out. **

**43karev [9:44: Then she wanted to know if we were still going to the Welcome Back dance together.**

The dance. Izzie's heart sinks. She had forgotten all about that stupid dance. It would be like every other high school dance. The girls like Mhari, Becky, Addison, and the Barbies got asked. She always stood on the edge of the dance floor, alone. There was no way in hell she was going through that again.

**L'amourImortel [9:46: What's the problem? Maybe I can help. **

**43karev [9:47: That isn't why I told you about it. **

**L'amourImortel [9:47: I know. **

**43karev [9:49: CO + CO2 + H2 - CH4 + H2O**

**L'amourImortel [9:50: Okay. Hmm. Gimme a minute and we can compare answers.**

**43karev [9:49: k**

Chemistry was not her best subject. Give her math any day. Grabbing a piece of paper from a nearby notebook, Izzie tries to make sense of the problem. She blows a lock of hair out of her face. God, she hated her hair. There was yards of it. It looked pretty when it was wet, all curly and smooth. As soon as it dried, frizzy bush from hell.

"Hey." She looks up to find Mhari standing next to her bed. A cloud of baby powder smelling perfume choking her. "I'm suppose to meet a couple friends. Think you could cover for me during room check?"

Looking away, Izzie rolls her eyes, nodding. "Yeah. Sure."

Mhari flashes her a bright smile. "Thanks! I'll owe you."

Owe her what? It wasn't like she had anyone to sneak out to meet. Or that she would likely ever have someone to sneak out for. "Don't worry about it." Ducking her head, she let's her hair hide her face as she continues to work out the problem.

"Catch you later."

Izzie nods, not looking up when she hears the window creak open. There was a tree just outside. No doubt Mhari was an expert tree climber.

**43karev [9:52: I got CO+CO 2+9H2- 3 CH4 + 5h2O**

**L'amourImortel [9:53: Close. **

**L'amourImortel [9:53: CO + CO 2+ 11HR - 3CH4 + 5H2O**

**43karev [9:54: Damn. You're right. Thanks. **

**L'amourImortel [9:54: Sure. Not biggie. That's what friends are for. **

**43karev [9:55: Yeah. Hey listen, I was wondering if you planned on going to the dance.**

**L'amourImortel [9:56: Not sure yet. **

**43karev [9:57: Oh. I was going to see if maybe you wanted to go together.**

Together? Her dark eyes widen. Exactly where was he going with the whole together thing? Her fingers shake a bit as she asks him what he means. A squeal bursts past her lips when he replies back that he was asking her to go to the dance with him, as in a date. She squeals again, falling backwards off her bed.

"Shit," she mutters, rubbing her tail bone as she stands up. A knock on the door reminds her that it was time for room check. "Double shit!" Running to the bathroom she turns the shower on, then shuts the bathroom door. "Hey Ms. Walton." She flashes the house mother a smile as she lets the woman in.

"Mhari in the shower?" The short but stout woman glanced around the room, her gaze settling on the open window. "Why is that window open?"

"Uh, I wanted some fresh air." Izzie breathed. Crap. She wasn't a liar. She couldn't lie worth…crap. She licks her lips, praying the woman just bought the shower story and left.

"Hmm. Well, you may want to close it soon. Suppose to rain tonight, you know?" The woman glances at the bathroom door before striding out.

**L'amourImortel [9:59: Holy shit! My roommate snuck out and the house mother just came in our room. **

**43karev [10:00: lol**

**L'amourImortel [10:01: Sure. Laugh. You're not the one whose shirt is all wet from turning on the shower to trick a scary woman with a beard!**

**43karev [10:01: lol**

**43karev [10:01: Are you going to answer me about going to the dance?**

**L'amourImortel [10:02: Yeah. Sure. **

**43karev [10:02: Cool. Listen, I'm going to go. See if I can catch Shepherd up and go over the rest of this chem homework. **

She logs off, still grinning. The grin slips a bit. What the hell had she been thinking? Agreeing to go to a dance with Alex. It was formal. Expensive dress, amazing hair, glitzy jewelry formal. She slouches on the side of her bed. She would just have to come up with some excuse as to why she couldn't go. It was hard enough fitting in during class, where they all had to wear the same khaki skirts and light blue polo shirts. She wasn't deaf. She knew she was laughed at, looked down on. All because her parents were teachers and didn't have million dollar incomes. A tear slips down her face. As much as she loved them, just once she wished her parents made more money. At least enough to buy a formal, maybe to have her hair done. Wishing never did any good though. She would have to tell Alex she changed her mind.


	7. Barbie Doll Meredith

-1Somewhere, on the other side of the country, Dr. Ellis Grey was no doubt doing a victory dance. She could dance, she could be smug in the knowledge that she had won the battle, for that was all it was, a battle. When it came to the war, Meredith had every intention of coming out the victor. A blonde victor, she mused ruefully.

It was all she could do not to wrinkle her nose or gag. Butter colored waves high lighted with various shades of pale gold. It was disgusting. It made her look like one of them. Her only consolation was making Izzie and Cristina go with her. Ellis didn't know it yet, but she had paid a rather lovely sum to have one Isobel Stevens' hair straightened, cut, and high lighted.

"I look like a barbie," Meredith muttered, peering in the reflective glass of an office building. The girl staring back didn't even look like her. The wide satin ribbon holding her hair off her face looked a bit to much like something Newport Barbie and her clones wore, not to mention it was the same shade as the angora sweater she wore. Bubble gum pink, with a cute little hood and adorable pom poms dangling from the strings. Her mother would be pleased. Hence why she wore it. Cristina or Izzie would snap a photograph, she would upload it, email it to Ellis, and all would be right once more. No worries of the frigid bitch coming to visit.

"You look great. Tell her she looks great Cristina," Izzie urged. She could urge. She looked amazing. Who knew the girl was so pretty under all that hair? The beautician apparently, because, unlike the bitch who turned Meredith into barbie, the stylist who had taken Izzie had worked wonders. Instead of miles of frizzy nondescript light brown, her hair was now a smooth dark blonde with subtle caramel colored high lights.

"I'm not going to lie to the girl." Cristina snipped, a small puff of cigarette smoke rolling out of her mouth. It was hard to say whether the habit was an addiction, social, or just because. Cristina was not an easy person to read, nor was she an easy one to get to know. She was loyal though, always the first one to spout off a defense when one of the Barbies mouthed off.

"I look like a barbie," Meredith repeated. Her resolve to conform to Ellis' idea of the perfect child was quickly crumbling. She had thought she could do this. That was before some sexed up high school drop out with two toned hair and black fingernail polish turned her into a barbie doll, complete with pink lipstick and light blue eye shadow.

"It's not that bad," Izzie assured her. Some of her earlier conviction was missing. "It looks…well…maybe not quite like you…but maybe a new you?" What she lacked in conviction she compensated for with her to bright smile and overly peppy tone.

"Fuck new Meredith, I want the old Meredith back." Meredith tugs on one of the pom poms. There was a small ripping noise but nothing more. She was still stuck wearing a perfect sweater that Newport Barbie would gush over.

"Unbunch the panties my dearest. You can have old Meredith back as soon as new Meredith poses pretty for the camera." Cristina chuckled. She had lit another cigarette. Her second one in as many hours.

"Take it now!" Meredith hissed. There was no way in hell she was going back to school looking like a member of Erica Hahn's stuck up plastic bitch committee. "I'm serious Cris. I need to get out of this sweater. I am having Newport Barbie bonding nightmares."

"Find someplace to smile pretty and I'll take it. Just stop grouping yourself in with that nasty twat. You're nothing like her. She's a prima donna whore." Another small puff of smoke drifted past Cristina's scarlet lips. She takes one last drag, then tosses the lipstick stained butt onto the ground.

"Cristina's right. For you to be like Erica you would have to suck off the lacrosse team, jack off most of the swim team, and show your goodies to anything with dimples and a dick." Meredith's eyes widen a bit at Izzie's heated response. The taller, slimmer girl rolls her chocolate colored eyes. "What? Cristina can call her a twat and a prima donna whore but I can't list her transgressions?"

"Tis more like…do you even know what any of those things are?" Cristina snickers. Meredith had to admit she was wondering the same thing. The two spots of color that rise on Izzie's checks answer it. "That is what I thought, Virgin Mary."

"There's nothing wrong with being a virgin," Izzie whispered, her gaze darting around. Sucking her lips inside her mouth, Meredith fights the urge to giggle. It wasn't that she found it particularly funny that Izzie was "intact", it had more to do with the way Izzie was acting all paranoid, as though she had just admitted to having an illicit affair with a married man.

"Never said there was, love." Tossing her glossy black hair over one shoulder, Cristina paused outside a boutique, her eyes intent on the mannequins displayed in the front window. The store was one that was meant to appeal to an older demographic, with floral calf length gowns and large picture hats. "Who the hell wears this shit?"

"Erica?" Izzie suggest, earning a laugh from both her comrades. She smiled briefly, then went back to worrying her lower lip with her teeth. "What's so wrong with being a virgin?"

Meredith glances at Cristina, then back to Izzie. "There's nothing wrong with it, Iz. Honest. Trust me, I would love to be one again. One of the most stupidest things I ever did was sleeping with that dick weed Jeremy Thompson. He was a clumsy oaf and it hurt like hell. The only good to come out of it was the fact that I did it on my mom's bed."

"You really do detest your mum don't you?" Cristina mused, trailing her fingers across the window front of the boutique as the move along down the busy street. "Pity that, really. I would give anything to have my mum back." A far off look mars her pale face, a wrinkle crinkling between her dark eyes. "Oh well. I'm sure if she had been a fraction of the bitch Ellis is I wouldn't miss her so much."

They fall silent, none of them sure what to say. Cristina spoke little of her parents. Her father, an ambassador, had little time for his only child; her mother, died when she was seven. Shipped from boarding school to boarding school her's was a lonely existence. "Oh bother. This whole silent thing is for the birds. Izzie, do you or don't you know what sucking and jerking off are?" Cristina demanded.

"I know what they are," Izzie snaps, her full lips falling into a rather childish pout. "Why does everyone act as though I'm some goody goody?"

"Hm. I don't know. Perhaps because you are a goody goody," Cristina teased, hooking her arm through the other girl's. "Dearest, you really have to toughen up a bit. Especially if you're going to keep company with Alex Karev. That ex of his is not going to play nice, you know. Have the silly twit in my German class. How she managed to pass the exams to get into Milton is beyond me. She always sounds like she is hacking up a ball of fur or something equally repugnant when she tries to speak. On behalf of all Germans, I am horrified."

"Is she pretty?" Once more her lower lip was chewed upon. Lifting her index finger, she twists a lock of he smooth hair. "I bet she is."

"No. Really, she's not all that." Meredith skidded to a halt outside the gilded doors of an upscale formal shop. "We should go in." She nods to the shop, wrinkling her face even as she made the suggestion. She had committed to going to this dance, which meant finding a proper dress. One in a color her mother would approve of.

"You two should go in. I, on the other hand, have plans for tomorrow night that have nothing to do with that silly dance." Smugness oozed from Cristina's tone. Her eyes had a twinkle to them that spoke of secrets yet to be shared.

"You're going to get caught," Izzie warned, her fingers curling around the gold toned curled handle. She gives the heavy beveled glass door one good tug, then holds it open for the other two before entering the shop herself. For once, Meredith was in complete agreement. Whether it was on her way out or on her way back, Cristina would be caught. One only had to look as far as Izzie's former roommate Mhari for proof of that. While the girl hadn't been caught her first night out, she was caught the second time. Mostly due to the fact that Izzie hadn't been there to cover for her. One Mhari Delphino had been made an example of and told to pack her bags.

"Unlike your former roommate, I have a plan. One that extends beyond having someone lie about my where about's. My mother's cousin Alice lives in Cambridge, a fact that is dully noted on my transcripts by the way. She simply call saying she requests my presence due to a family matter." The plan was brilliant. Fool proof really. Meredith silently applauded Cristina's initiative. Every attempt she had ever made of sneaking out had been intercepted. Yet, even as she admired her friend, there was a sense of foreboding twisting in her gut.


	8. In His Arms

-1Author's Note: It was made mention by a reader that this fic was no longer of interest to them due to the last update. I am sorry if some of you were offended. That was not my intention. I really hope you all stick with me on this as these characters grow and change. I am hoping this next update makes up for the rather un-classy behavior Meredith, Cristina, and Izzie exhibited in the last update.

Recommended song to listen to while reading: happened to shiny ribbons, paper flowers, and those horrid garden backdrops a photographer used to take pictures? Milton Academy had never heard of those things; or if they had they weren't using them. The dining hall had been transformed into a fantastical wonderland of twinkling light; one whole corner had been made to look like a Grecian garden, complete with live plants and a working fountain.

"You clean up nice."

Derek spins around, the sole of his dress shoe squeaking on the floor. His breath catches in his throat. Her golden hair was drawn back from her face with some sparkling clips of some sort, a riot of curls down her back and over her shoulders. An emerald colored halter style gown floated around her body, the hem swirling around her slender calves. Whether it was something being sprayed in the air or her, his sense were swimming in the smell of gardenias. "So do you."

"Really?" The eagerness in Meredith's eyes made him re-knew his vow to show her she was special. He hadn't been as diligent in that matter as he should have been; he was an academic more than a Romeo after all.

"Absolutely. You look very…pretty." Pretty didn't begin to cover it. She looked amazing. She was amazing. Derek stares at her a moment longer, freezing an image in his mind of her beauty and the sweet smile on her face. He wanted to remember this Meredith for the rest of his life.

"Thank you. I wasn't sure about the dress." Her tiny hands pluck at the silky looking material, her gold bracelet catching in the light. "I was worried it would be to much. Now, I'm worried it isn't enough. Fancy enough, I mean." Derek followed her gaze to where Erica and Rebecca stood. Both girls wore gowns that reminded him of the one he had seen his grand-mother wearing in a picture taken at her prom. Perhaps the 1950's style of cap sleeves and full tulle skirts that fell almost calf length were back in style. He couldn't be sure. His sisters mostly wore either indecently short or long and full.

"I think you look fine." Derek assured her. He was awarded a full smile, one that reached her eyes. He could drown in those eyes. "So, did you come…alone?" Mentally he kicks himself. Could he have sounded anymore like an idiot?

"Well, I did, but I didn't." She lets out a soft giggle, glancing over her shoulder. Cristina stood a few feet away, wearing a dress his mother would have had an apoplectic fit over. It was little more than a black tube, barely covering her breasts, and would be lost if she bent over. He wasn't up to par on the dress code, but that dress had to be breaking at least six different rules. "She's not to happy about being here." To prove Meredith's statement correct, Cristina grimaces, crossing her arms. Do not touch was radiating loud and clear. He felt sorry for any boy stupid enough to ask her to dance.

"Really? It doesn't show." He jokes. Another giggle, and her hand on the sleeve of his suit this time. Alex's suit, really. The only suit he had was back in Seattle. Foolish him, he had forgotten to pack it. Secretly, he was a bit glad. The one he wore now was much nicer than his own. "So, would you like to dance?" Smile still in place, she nods.

The upbeat tune turned to a soft melody almost as soon as they stepped foot on the dance floor. Tentatively, he takes her into his arms. Vaguely he recalls the song from the movie Titanic. A bit ironic, he mused, given how they met. She feels right in his arms. Closing his eyes, he buries his nose in her silky hair. It smells of vanilla and lavender. He could stay like this forever.


	9. Not So Happy Birthday

-1Author's Note: Reviews are always appreciated. Please let me know what you think. This chapter is another sappy one; perhaps a bit bitter sweet. I hope you enjoy it.

If one were to close their eyes, to let the music wash over them, they could almost imagine they were someplace other than a high school dining hall decorated to look like a garden. They could let their body sway gently from side to side, letting thoughts of everything, of everyone, slip away. At least that was the nonsensical idea floating through Izzie's head as Alex held her body close. It didn't matter that the song was one of those eighties love ballads, or that the song before it had been the cliché Celine Dion. All that mattered was the boy smiling at her, his dimples flashing and his light brown eyes sparkling.

He drew her a bit closer, close enough that she can feel the beating of his heart. It was pounding almost as fast as her own. A small smile flitters across her lips. It was hard to believe that she had almost past this up. It had been Meredith and Cristina who had made it possible. Meredith with her lie about a salon trip for a birthday present. Cristina had used the same excuse for the dress. Pale pink, strapless, with black Swiss dots and thin black ribbon beneath her breasts. It was by far the nicest dress she had ever worn, and when Cristina had left it on her bed with a note she had almost cried.

"So, Hall is planning this stupid Fall Into Autumn thing. It's where we decorate the place for Autumn and then have a dinner. We're, like, allowed to invite someone…kinda to show off the place, you know?" There was a slight flush to Alex's face. She wasn't sure if it was embarassment or the flickering lights that hung over head. "Anyways, I was wondering if maybe, you know, you would want to come. You'd have to help hang up all these tacky leaves and stuff, but the food is kinda good. Our house mother cooks it. Last year it was pot roast."

Izzie's lips part, the word yes on the tip of her tongue. Before she can speak another voice cuts in. "Alex, can I talk to you?" They both turn to find Rebecca standing less than a foot away. Looking at the smaller girl left Izzie with a twisting in her gut. There was nothing to thin or flat about Rebecca. A dainty package of curves that were showcased in a beautiful rose colored gown. "Please."

Letting his hand go, Izzie steps back slightly. "It's okay." It wasn't. It was anything but okay, but she could see the hesitancy in his eyes. He gives her one last hesitant look before allowing Rebecca lead him off the dance floor.

"That prick." Cristina sneered, coming to stand next to her. A comforting arm is wound around her waist. "You're to good for him."

"She just wants to talk," Izzie whispers. Even as she says the words she doesn't believe them. Rebecca wanted Alex back, and anyone who knew him knew he would go. "He'll be right back."

"Not likely." Cristina shook her head, a lock of black hair falling from the smooth chignon at the nape of her neck. "I'm sorry, Iz. I know how much you like him and all, but she…well…" She trails off when she notices the tears glittering in the taller girl's eyes. "Oh hell, I'm sorry. He'll be right back, just like you said. If he's not, he's a fool."

Shaking her head, Izzie wipes a tear off her cheek, checking her finger to be sure none of the eye make up Addison had worked so hard on had washed away. "No. You're right. Why should he come back? I'm not going sleep him. I wouldn't even have let him kiss me good night. And she…well I know that they've…" Her lips start trembling. She mutters a curse, hating herself for being so miserable on what should be a happy night. This was her birthday, damn it. This was suppose to be her night.

"Come on," Cristina grabbed her hand, dragging her out to the middle of the dance floor. It was now packed with a sea of bodies, most dancing in rhythm to some annoy Britney Spears song that would have sucked beyond reason if not for the pulsating beat. "I hate these things, you know?" Izzie nods. She knew. Cristina had done little more than complain about her dislike of school dances.

"Yeah. I know." Giving into impulse, she engulfs her friend into hug. Almost instantly Cristina protested, shoving Izzie off her. "Sorry. I'm a hugger. I blame my mom. She's always hugging my sister and me."

"Yes, well save the hugs for your mum and sis." Cristina smoothed her dressed, then glanced around. She grabbed the shoulder of a nearby boy. He was tall, a good five inches taller than Izzie, with dark hair and warm dark eyes. "What's your name, love?"

The boy stares at her in surprise for a moment then answers. "Dennison Duquette the third. I prefer Denny though."

"Well, Denny tonight is your lucky night. This," she tugs Izzie forward, "is my amazing friend Izzie, and she's the girl of your dreams." A gentle shove in the middle of Izzie's back has her stumbling closer to the kind eyed boy. She smiles at him weakly, then turns to shoot Cristina a murderous look. Her friend is no longer there.

"I'm sorry. Cristina can be…well…" Izzie shrugs, her smile wavering a bit. Could this night get anymore humiliating? Dumped by her date, forced on a strange boy by a friend. Happy Birthday to Izzie.

"It's fine. Would you like to dance?" She looks at the hand he held out, then nods. Another sappy song had started, the light dimming again. It wasn't the same as dancing with Alex, yet it was still nice. And, she had a feeling Denny Duquette would not leave her standing alone on a dance floor. Whatever feelings might have been budding for Alex had been squelched the moment he walked off with Rebecca.


	10. Cesspool Escape

-1Author's Note: I do not condone the sneaking out of anyone under the age of eighteen. This is also not one of my better written chapters. For that I apologize. I hate to use the term filler, but basically that is what it is. Please read and review!

High school was nothing more than a giant cesspool of losers. True, there were exceptions,; she had found Meredith and Izzie. For the most part though, Cristina Yang had little use for high school or the immature peons who attended.

Heels clicking across the tile floor, Cristina weaves through the mass of gyrating and giggling morons. Sadly, she found Meredith amongst them. "I'm going."

Meredith stepped away from the boy she had been dancing with. Good ole Derek. He wasn't so bad either. "Cris…"

Cristina holds up a hand. "Seriously, don't lecture dear. I told you before, this really isn't my scene." Sixteen going on thirty, that was her. Give her a college frat party over a high school dance any day. "By the way, Karev ditched Izzie."

"You're kidding," Meredith gaped at her, green eyes huge. Golden curls bounce as she shakes her head. "I can't believe him. I really thought…Guess I was wrong."

"Hm. Guess so. So, you going to come with?" Cristina tried to make the question sound flippant, yet she really hoped Meredith said yes. Much as she loved the parties it could be a bit dull at first without someone to talk to.

Meredith peers back at Derek. He had engrossed himself in a discussion with a girl Meredith recognized as Amy from American History. Both were smiling and laughing. "Yeah. Okay. Sure. Why not. Do you think maybe we should ask Izzie?"

She had thought about that, then decided against it. One of the reasons she adored Izzie so much was the girl's innocence. She wouldn't keep that long if she were to start frat party hopping. Whether she realized it or not, Izzie was gorgeous. She had the sort of looks that only grew more amazing each year. "No. I think she's actually having fun." To prove her point, she nodded to where Izzie stood chattering away with the boy from the dance floor. The poor sot actually seemed transfixed with her.

"Yeah. I'm glad. I still can't believe Alex did that to her!" More shaking of the golden curls as they exit the dining hall. They pass a rather agitated looking Alex and a sobbing Rebecca. "Jack ass," Meredith sneered, earning her an elbow in the ribs from Cristina.

"He isn't worth it. Plus, he doesn't look like he's enjoying himself to much," Cristina pointed out. They fell silent as they pushed the double doors leading outside open. The night had a bit of a nip to it, causing both girls to wrap their arms around their middles in an effort to stay warm. As Cristina had suspected none of the faculty was watching the parking lot behind the hall. Digging her in her purse, she smirks as she pulls out the keys to the BMW her father had bought her. Tonight was going to be a night to remember.


	11. The Bad Feels So Good

-1Author's Note: The following update is not to promote teenage sex. Far from it. Also, just because I am a mother, if you are a teen and you are having sex, be careful! There are many nasty things out there, not to mention that those cute babies are expensive.

The dress hung in a clear plastic bag on the back of her closet door. A deep plum color with one shoulder strap it was a column of shimmering silk. There was a pair of matching stilettos set beneath the bag. She had a clear view of them from where she lay on her bed, make up done to perfection and her hair a waterfall of glossy red waves.

Rolling onto her side, Addison pulls the lavender sheet up over her naked breasts. There was always this feeling, in the pit of her stomach, that she shouldn't be doing this, that she should just say no. Then Mark would do as he was now; run his hands over her body. Her head lolls back against his chest as he strums his fingers over her belly, then slides them between her legs. She willing parts her thigh, letting him slide first one, then two fingers into her waiting body.

"Like that, huh?" His breath teases her ear, she lets out a small whimper. A knot was building low in her belly, tightening up with each thrust of his fingers. When she started to feel the knot coming undone he rolled her onto her back, spreading her legs with his hands. She gasp, then moans, when he thrusts into her. She wraps her legs around his waist, her nails scratch down his back.

It didn't last long. It never did. They would hit hard and fast, panting and sweaty. Then it would be over. The good feelings left, leaving her with that sense that she shouldn't have let him. Especially since neither one of them ever had the patience to remember a condom and she was to scared to ask her mother to take her to get birth control.


	12. And Then He Kissed Her

-1Author's Note: Thanks for the comments and reviews. Please let me know what you think of this update as well. It didn't turn out quite the way I had hoped.

The flag-stone steps of Robbins Hall's back porch were cold, uncomfortable, and sitting on them earned Alex some raised eyebrows and odd looks. None of those things mattered. All that mattered was catching Izzie before she went in. She wouldn't want to see him, not after the way he had let Rebecca manipulate him into leaving the dance with her. He had to explain though. He needed to explain. He also wanted to give her the small blue box that was in the pocket of his suit jacket.

Letting out a nervous sigh, Alex rises to his feet when he hears the tinkle of her laughter coming around the corner. The chagrinned look on his face gives way to a scowl when she rounds the corner with Dennison Duquette the third. He didn't know the older boy very well, despite the fact that they lived in the same dormitory. They ran with two very different crowds.

"Thank you for walking me back." He heard Izzie say sweetly. His scowl deepens when Denny's head lowers towards her's. At the last minute she turned her cheek, facing him, her gaze widening when she catches sight of him. Her eyes narrow for a split second before she turns her face back towards Denny's. "It was nice to meet you, Denny."

"Believe me, the pleasure was all mine," Denny responded smoothly. "Perhaps we can plan our next meeting."

That smooth talking son of a bitch. Alex started towards him, ready to stake his claim, then he remembered he had no claim. He had left her in the middle of a dance so he could listen to his ex-girlfriend cry over how stupid she had been to break up with him. Every time he had tried to leave, she would grab his arm, sobbing harder. "Perhaps," was all Izzie said back. She wished him a good night, waiting until he was gone to stride towards Alex, or rather passed him. "I'm not talking to you."

"I don't blame you. Can I at least explain?" Alex hurried up the stairs, blocking her entrance into the house.

She shook her head, a lock of hair falling across her eye. "There's nothing to explain. I made a mistake. I thought…You know what, it doesn't really matter what I thought before, because as of right now we're no longer friends. You're too confusing. You I.M me like I'm your buddy, but then turn around and say stuff about how much you love my smile. You meet me outside in the morning so we can walk to class together and then practically run from me before we even get to the classroom. You invite me to a dance and then you take off with your ex girlfriend. I'm sorry, Alex, but I'm tired of all the confusion. I'm tired of wondering if I am your friend or if I am something more. I might not be as pretty as Rebecca or her friends, but that doesn't mean I am so desperate for a boy to like me that I'm going to let some asshole play head games with me." Shoving past him, her hand grips the door knob. He grabs her arm. "Let go!"

"Izzie, please," Alex pleaded. She shook her head once more. It was to dark for him to read her eyes or see much of her facial expressions. "Please?" Another shake of her head. She started to yank her arm away, he held on tighter, grabbing her other one. He wasn't sure why, but he couldn't let her walk out of his life. Her lips parted, most likely to ask that he let her go again. He crushes his mouth against her's before she can say anything. He can feel her hands slide up his chest. His heart starts to race. Then she did it. She shoved him. Hard. He stumbles backwards. Her hand flashes out, smacking him across the cheek.

"You…you…" Her voice was thick, and in the moonlight he could see a tear running down her cheek. "You ruined it! You ruined my first dance. You ruined my birthday. And, worst of all, you ruined my first kiss!"

He couldn't win. Nothing he did where this girl was concerned was right. Addison had told him to stay away, to just run back to Rebecca or find someone else. He hadn't listened. For some reason the girl before him had some kind of hold on him. "I'm sorry." He let's her go. "I shouldn't have left you like I did. I didn't even want to. Except I didn't have a reason to say no after you said it was okay. I'm not blaming you. You're a nice person. You were doing what you thought was the right thing. I don't even know why she wanted to talk. It's not like I haven't told her over and over again that we're done. We were done the minute she said she wanted to break up. And, if we hadn't been we would have been when I met you. I like you. A lot. I like you more than I've ever liked any other girl. And, I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry! Here." He reaches in his pocket for the Tiffany & Co. box. It wasn't anything spectacular. Just one of their silver heart toggle bracelets with her name engraved on the heart. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. A happy birthday be my girlfriend kind of thing. "Happy Birthday."

Her fingers shook a bit as she took the small box. "Alex, you…you shouldn't …" The rest of what she was going to say hung in the air when she opened the package. Her lips parted as she lifted the bracelet from the soft cotton bedding it rested on. "I…thank you…I've never…I…" He could see another tear roll down her cheek. Damn it. He couldn't do anything right. Sighing, he starts to walk away, then turns back when she calls his name. This time, it was her lips that met his. It was tentative at first, just her lips pressed against his. He was the one to deepen it, to pull her into his arms. It was a bit awkward, but she caught on quickly, kissing him back with as much fervor as he had. It was, he hoped, the first of many kisses.


	13. Save Me

-1Disclaimer: I do not promote or recommend teenagers attending parties thrown by people older than them. Bad things can and do happen. This update contains sensitive subject matter and may not be appropriate for all ages. I am not responsible for anyone under the age of sixteen who reads this update. If something similar has/or ever does happen to you then you need to contact an adult you trust.

Everything was a blur; a dark blur that refused to be still. Lifting an arm that feels weighted down Meredith pushes a tousled mass of curls from her face. There was nothing recognizable about the room, even through the fuzzy coating that made it hard for her to focus. Clothing lay in various heaps, most of it dirty. Bottles of tequila lay empty on their sides. None of that really registered. It was the shiny green dress thrown over a shade less lamp that caught her attention.

Fighting the urge to panic, she lifts the corner of the dark colored comforter. She wore nothing. Lips trembling she lets out a small whimper. Her throat suddenly felt dry, as though someone had stuffed cotton in it. Licking her lips, she tentatively slides one hand between her legs. The flesh was tender and wet, a tell tale sign that she had had sex. Tears burn her eyes as her chest shakes with sobs held in.

On legs that felt like rubber Meredith stands up, wrapping her arms around her waist. She stumbles toward her dress, falling over a pile of clothing that smelled of cologne. Landing on her hands and knees she vomits, not caring that it spewed over her hands or splattered across what looked to be an anatomy book of some sort. Sobbing she crawls across the mess, reaching up for her dress. She buries her face in the silky material.

She jumps when she hears the jingling of a cell phone. Her gaze is drawn to the night stand, where a small flip phone lay. Reaching out, she grabs it, mindlessly dialing a number she knew by heart.


	14. Help

-1One long arm, slightly tanned, reaches out from under a pale blue and white plaid comforter. Slender fingers pat along the floor, then wrap around the hand set of a black cordless phone. The arm, as well as the phone disappear back under the comforter.

"Hello," Izzie mumbles, her voice husky with sleep. "What? Meredith…slow down…I can't understand… Oh my God!" The comforter falls to floor as the girl lying under it bolts upright. Pushing her hair off her face Izzie tumbles off the bed. "Mere…where are you? Please. Mere…I need you calm down…I need you tell me where you are!"

Heart pounding, Izzie spins in a circle, her frantic eyes searching out a pair of shoes. She can't find any. Damn it. Just her luck. She would put every pair up on the one night she needed them. Screw it. Grunting a bit, she lifts the window, leaning her head out. Damn. Two stories had never looked as high as they did now. "Mere," she whispers, "I'm going to come get you okay? I have to hang up now though. I'll call back. I promise." Tears burn her eyes as she clicks the end button. Taking a deep breath, she leans out the window, the sill cutting into her abdomen. She grunts a bit, grappling for the thick tree limb two feet out. One her arms were wrapped around it, she eases the rest of her body out. She fights the urge to scream when her legs miss the V and scrape against the rough bark. Lifting one long leg, she regains her footing. She could do this. Meredith needed her. She had to do this. For Meredith.

Climbing down the tree wasn't as easy as she had thought it would it be. How Mhari had ever done it in a dress and heels was beyond her. The grass was cold on her bare feet, and the pink camisole and white board shorts did little to protect her from the cool Massachusetts night. Wrapping her arms around her waist she dashes across the field separating Robbins House from Forbes. Her mind races, trying to remember which window Addison had knocked on. It was on the back side, first floor, she knew that much, and there had been a red pot with a small cactus in it. The cactus! That was it. She would just look for the cactus. She found it in the fourth window.

Izzie taps lightly on the glass, her heart pounding. Biting her lip, she taps louder. From inside the room she can hear a loud thump, followed by a curse. The blind raises up, a squinted eyed Alex glaring out at her. The glare turns to a grin as he lifts the window. "Hey," he whispers, leaning out the window slightly. When his gaze lingers on her chest, she looks down. Her cheeks flame when she realizes the material of her top is almost translucent and the cold night air had turned her nipples hard. She crosses her arms over her chest. He had the good sense to avert his gaze.

"Do you have a car?" She steps closer to the brick building as a cool breeze drifts between the buildings. A shiver racks through her slender body.

"Yeah. Why?" He covers a yawn, then shakes his head a bit, trying to wake up.

"Can I explain inside?" Her teeth were chattering and over her shoulder she could see the campus security guard vehicle coming. Alex moves the small cactus aside, then leans out to help haul her into the room. It takes a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. It looked almost identical to her room, only with one bed instead of two. The bedding was to dark to tell what color it was exactly. She wasn't sure why she kept staring at the bed, she just couldn't seem to look away. "Meredith and Cristina snuck off. Some party at Boston University. The Pi Kappa Alpha house."

Alex wrinkles his brow. "Why would they go there?" The question was slightly muffled as he tugged a long sleeved shirt over his head. Reaching back into the open drawer he tosses another one to Izzie. "Here."

"Thanks." She smiles faintly, pulling the soft thermal shirt on. "I'm not sure why Meredith went. Cristina went to get laid though" The room falls silent. She can feel the heat creeping up her cheeks. "Meredith was suppose to use my window to get back inside…cause I have a tree…and… she never came. She called though. A few minutes ago. I couldn't understand her at Alex. She kept crying. Saying something about not feeling good…having sex but not remembering…" Before she could help it the tears were burning her eyes again. "I'm scared. I think some one…I think….I think something happened to her." Her hair falls around her face as she looks down at her bare feet. There was bits of grass stuck to them. Great. She was not only an emotional train wreck at the moment, but her feet looked gross as well.

"Hey," Alex tilts her chin up. "It's going to fine. I promise."

Izzie smiles, blinking about the tears. She wanted to believe him, would love to believe him, yet she couldn't. Something had happened to her best friend, something she was to scared to even voice allowed.


	15. Self Blame

-1**Disclaimer: The following update contains sensitive issues that might not be suitable for all readers. **

**Author's Note: Drug and alcohol induced rape is a growing problem amongst young adults. Most of these assaults go unreported as the victim usually feels it is their fault for putting themselves in a position to have this happen to them. Please, if you or someone you know, has had this happen do not feel responsible, have the courage to stand up and say you were attacked. Do not let these men get away with violating innocent and unwilling victims. For more information on this subject or to get help call the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Helpline at 1(800) 656-4973. **

Temped water poured from shower head, coating the two girls huddled in the back of the shower. One naked, her pale body a mess of small bruises, legs drawn up to her chest, head buried in the small valley between her knees; the other, dressed in the camisole and shorts she had worn to bed, arms wrapped around the first girl. Neither could remember how long they had sat there, letting the water wash over them, long enough for the hot water to run to cold.

"We should take her to a hospital," a strained voice said from the other side of the dark green and blue plaid shower curtain.

"No," Meredith whimpered, raising her head. Strings of honey colored hair hang over her frightened green eyes. Claw like fingers grasp Izzie's arm, the nails digging into the soft skin of her inner wrist. "Please, Izzie, don't make me go."

Fighting the urge to cry, Izzie gathers Meredith close, holding the other girl close. "I promise, you don't have to go anywhere you don't want to go." As she rests her head against Meredith's, their hair intertwines, the various shades of blonde mixing as the water continues to run.

"She needs to get checked out," Alex insists from the other side of the curtain. There was a desperation in his voice. "She needs to…"

Letting Meredith go, Izzie shifts her position in the tub, sticking her damp head out the curtain. Her dark eyes contain a mixture of anger and fright. "What she needs is for us to honor her wishes!"

"What if she has something," Alex says low, his face grim. "What if he didn't use…we have to be realistic here….he could have given her something." It takes a moment for his words to sink in. Izzie frowns, glancing over her shoulder to where Meredith stared wide eyed at her.

"Maybe…" Izzie stops herself when Meredith starts sobbing, shaking her head. "Mere, why? Why?"

"Because." Meredith hiccupped, wrapping her arms around her slender legs. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have gone to that party. I shouldn't have dra…drank…as much as I did. And…how do I know I didn't…didn't…maybe I wanted to. Maybe I'm the one who…God. I can't remember…why can't I remember? It's like, I remember going to the party. I remember this cute guy with blonde hair and gray eyes offering me a drink…I remember Cristina dancing and making out with some guy…but…that's it….I don't remember anything else. And…if I can't remember…maybe I wanted to."

"You didn't ask for this," Izzie insisted, brushing back a chunk of hair that was plastered to Meredith's forehead. "You went to that party to have a good time, not get…" She gulps, not even able to say the words aloud. "You didn't ask for this," she repeated.

"We don't know that," Meredith cried, burying her face in her hands once more. Her slender body wracks with sobs. "How could I be so stupid?"

"You're not stupid," Izzie whispered, her own lips trembling. The strength she was trying to uphold for Meredith's sake was starting to crumble. It was as though someone had tied her hands behind back, set her in a chair, and was forcing her to watch her friend suffer.

"I am. I am…I shouldn't have gone. I was having a good time at the dance. I don't even know why I went…except I was worried about Cristina," Meredith sobbed, rocking her body to and fro, eyes squeezed shut.

Cristina. Izzie's jaw tightens at the thought of their still missing friend. She was trying to not be angry with the other girl. Yet, she couldn't help the rage coursing through her veins. If Cristina had wanted to risk herself, fine, that was on her, but to risk Meredith, that was another story. "You didn't do anything wrong," Izzie insisted again, crawling around Meredith to twist the knobs controlling the water off. The stream had turned from temped to freezing rather quickly. Standing up, teeth chattering, she finagles her way out of the shower in a way that shields Meredith's nude body from Alex's concerned stare. She accepts the thick, navy blue towel he hands her. Instead of wrapping it around her own dripping body she pulls the shower curtain back just enough to slip the towel inside.

"She needs to go to the doctor," Alex murmurs in her ear, draping another towel around her shoulders. "She should have gone right away. We should have taken her straight to the hospital."

Turning her head slightly, Izzie looks back at him. Conflict warred across her face. She was torn. Torn between the logic of what Alex was saying and the need to protect Meredith from any more violations. "She doesn't want to go," Izzie whispers back.

The curtain yanks open, a towel clad Meredith peers back at them from beneath a tangle, wet mass of golden hair. The haunted look in her green eyes was enough to break the coldest heart into a million pieces. "Please don't make me go," she begs in a small voice. Izzie steps away from Alex, helping Meredith's trembling body from the shower. "Please, Izzie. I hurt…I hurt every where…and…they'll just…please don't make me go! Please! Promise me you won't make me go!"

Worrying her lip between her teeth, Izzie stares at Alex then looks at her bruised and terrified friend. "I promise," she says slowly.


	16. Should Have

-1**Authors Note: Thank you to everyone who has been reading this story. I won't with-hold updates but it would be nice to know what everyone is thinking. Good or Bad. Thanks. Danielle**

Solemn faces were never good, and faces didn't come anymore solemn than the pixie shaped one framed by limp blonde hair and dominated by over sized green eyes. The eyes had always held the knowledge of knowing to much, now they were dulled by a twisted pain that couldn't be put into words. There was a desperation in them as well, one that begged him to make everything okay.

Frowning slightly, Derek looks away from Meredith's tortured face. His confused azure gaze settles on Alex, who was perched atop the six drawer chest on the opposite side of the room. He hadn't been overly surprised when Alex called, asking him to meet him in his room, they were friends after all, and it was a rather dull Saturday morning. The surprise had come when walked into the room, finding two very damp girls huddled together on Alex's bed. There was a look of fear etched across Izzie's, and Meredith's was warped into a twisted mask of pain. "Is someone going to explain to me what's going on?"

Meredith's chin drops, her hair falling like a curtain over her fragile face. "It's my fault," she whispered, her voice thick with tears.

"It's not your fault!" Izzie cried, the desperation in her tone deepening Derek's frown. What the hell was going on here? In the time he had known Alex he had never seen him take as big of a risk as he was now by having two females in his room during non-visiting hours. Nor had he ever seen Izzie or Meredith looking as they did now.

"Will someone tell me what's going on?" Derek demanded, leaning back against the door. He barely notices the door knob cutting into his back hip. Both Alex and Izzie look towards Meredith, who looked smaller than normal in an over sized blue t shirt and a pair of flannel pajama pants that looked ready to slide off at any moment.

"I should tell him. It should be me. After all, this whole mess is my fault," Meredith let out a strangled, bitter laugh.

"Mere," Izzie started, then pressed her lips together. She nodded, her dark blonde hair swinging around her face. Sliding from the bed, she gripped the waist of the dark blue pajama pants she wore. Her upper body was engulfed in a light gray long sleeved Henley he had seen Alex wear a few times. Come to think of it, he had seen Alex in the clothing Meredith wore as well. "Will you be okay?" Izzie looks back at Meredith, concern paling her face. Meredith nods, reaching up to wrap Izzie in what looked to be a rather suffocating hug. Words were whispered, and a few tears trickled down both girls cheeks.

"We're just going to…you know…" Alex slide off the dresser, then walks towards the window. After a few glances out, he raises the pane. He glances at Derek. "You know my cell number." Derek nods, his face still wrinkled in a frown. He watches Alex help Izzie out the window before swinging over the ledge himself.

"Meredith," Derek pushed away from the door, moving to sit on the edge of the unmade bed. Meredith had scooted to the far corner, huddled up, her fingers clutching the dark primary colored comforter. It was then he noticed the dark circles under her eyes, as well as the bruising around her wrists. "Mere?"

"I should have stayed. I should have stayed at the dance," she said after a pregnant pause. "It was a nice dance. You made it a nice dance. And I should have stayed." She looks over at him, emerald eyes colliding with azure ones. "I went to a party. With Cristina. A frat party. The University of Boston. I think. I don't know. I guess it doesn't really matter, does it?" Another bitter laugh passes her lips. "There was this guy…he seemed nice. He smiled a lot and laughed at my stupid chicken joke…you know the one…and he made me feel like I mattered." Her voice cracks a bit as she bats her lashes to keep the tears at bay. "My drink tasted fine. I didn't even drink all that much. I don't think. I don't know…the night is all so jumbled up…and…I don't remember much. Just waking naked. In this strange room." The adams apple in Derek's throat worked up and down. It wasn't as bad as she was saying. It couldn't be. He was just thinking the worse. "I couldn't see straight. The whole room seemed to be tilting on end. I tried to call you first…but you didn't pick up. So I called Izzie. You know the worse part of it all? They were in the bed. The two guys. One was the guy I was talking to, and the other I had never seen before. I didn't tell Izzie that there was more than one…she was…I couldn't tell her. It was hard enough telling her…I couldn't…" The words gave way to sobs. "I don't know…I don't remember…"

Fighting the urge to cry himself, Derek pulled her across the bed and into his arms. Holding her close to his chest, he lets her sob. He closes his eyes, burying his face in her soft hair. He should have asked her not to leave. He should have told her before how special he thought she was. He should have…Oh God there were so many should have's, all of them pointing to one thing: he had failed her.


	17. Confused

-1**Author's Note: This note is mainly because one reviewer confused me a bit with their review. Meredith did not tell Alex. She told Izzie. Alex happened to be there. Otherwise, he might not have ever known. Cristina is not her best friend in this fic. They are friends. Nothing more. Nothing less. Do not confuse their relationship on the show with the relationship in the fic. Meredith of the fic is far closer to Izzie, Alex, and Derek. There are certain elements I left out for a reason. Such as Cristina's where about's. Cristina is also something of an enigma. She doesn't want to care, yet she can't help it. **

**I feel the Derek issue needs a paragraph all on it's own. Some of you have brought up the emotion in Meredith. The reason behind that is I was once Meredith. I was once that girl who went to a party, drank a few drinks that were laced with what is commonly known as a Rophy. I woke up in a bed, not knowing how I got there, not knowing why I was naked. Once I sobered up a bit it became all to clear. I called a friend of mine (You are forever in my heart S.) who showed up with her boyfriend. She sat in the shower with me for hours, helping me try to wash off all traces of that night. Her boyfriend called my best friend, who was a guy. They left me alone with him and I lost it. I let it all spill out. I told him what a horrid person I was. I told him how stupid I was. He just sat there, holding me, letting me cry. Over time he did more than that, he made me realize it wasn't my fault. He made me realize that I had nothing to feel dirty about it. He also became the love of my life, the father of my children and someone I cannot imagine life without. **

**As for the time frame, that actually has been addressed. It is minor, but it is there. Look for it in chapter 18 again. **

**Disclaimer: I do not promote or recommend teenage sex. If you are a teen and engaging in sexual activity be safe and responsible about it. I am also aware that this chapter is not the best. I apologize for that. **

Gripping the steering wheel with both hands, Cristina stares up at the three story stone structure that was Robbins Hall. Several girls she recognized, but whose names she couldn't recall, had exited the back door, their heads thrown back in laughter. Her own face had a semi-smile on it; concern for Meredith kept her lips from stretching into a full blown grin. Some time between body shots and getting fucked on a pin ball machine by a freshman named Preston Burke, she had lost track of where her friend went.

Sighing, Cristina finally exits her car. First stop Meredith's room, second stop the shower. She wrinkles her nose, then tugs the top of her black dress up. It had somehow ridden down during her drive home, leaving most of her breasts exposed.

"Finally decided to show back up?"

The bitter toned question has her turning her head to the left. There, sitting against the front fender of a Lincoln Navigator, was Alex. "Finally decided to pry yourself from your ex?" She shot back. Stupid prick, acting like he had the right to talk to her after what he had done to Izzie.

"Don't act like you care about what anyone does except yourself," Alex sneered, crossing his arms over his chest. She starts to say something back, then snaps her mouth shut. He wasn't worth it. Rolling her eyes, she starts toward the door. As her fingers brush against the door handle the heavy oak door begins to open, smacking her against the chest.

"Bloody hell," she mutters, stepping back. She lifts one hand, rubbing the offended ribs. Her eyes widen just a bit when a sorrow faced Izzie steps her. There was a few damp spots along the shoulders of the pale yellow long sleeved v neck shirt she wore, not to surprising as her hair hung in damp waves around her flushed face. "You're not going to talk to that prick Karev are you?"

Izzie's dark eyes narrow. "Yeah, actually, I am." The coldness in her voice startled Cristina into taking a step back.

"Did I miss something? Because as I recall he dumped your ass in the middle of the dance floor to go smoozie up with his ex-girlfriend." Cristina wrinkles her brow. Something was right her. In the month and half she had known Izzie she had never known the girl to act so distant, so hostile. In fact, if she had been betting she would have laid her whole trust fund on Izzie not being capable of being hostile.

"He didn't smooze up to her. He made it clear to her that they were over. She just had trouble accepting that," Izzie snaps, her lips puckering up as though she had swallowed something sour. The sourness carried over to her gaze.

"Fine. Whatever. Chase after him. See if I care," Cristina sighs. She wasn't going to argue with the girl. Clearly something had pissed the other girl off.

"Right. Like you care about anyone but yourself," Izzie says softly. Again the coldness took Cristina by surprise. This wasn't the girl she knew. This girl was a stranger to her.

"Am I missing something? Did something happen last night?" Wrinkling her brow, Cristina searches Izzie's face. No emotion, just stoic coldness.

"I don't know, Cristina, did you miss something last night?" This time there was something more to her tone, something that sounded vaguely like an accusation of sorts. "Maybe…Meredith?"

It all clicks into place. Relief floods her. Meredith was okay. She was safe. Pissed about being left alone no doubt, but safe. "Look, Meredith's a big girl. I'm quite certain she was fine on her own. In fact, the last time I seen her she looked to be having a jolly good time with some cute frat boy."

"Right. She had a good time," Izzie sarcastically gushed, shaking her head. Another shake and she stormed off, leaving Cristina staring after her, confused.


	18. You Need To Talk To Someone

-1**Disclaimer: This chapter contains some subjects that are sensitive and not suitable for all ages. Please do not attempt any of the actions demonstrated by the characters, and if you are currently practicing them please contact someone who can help you. **

**Author's Note: I am not quite sure how I feel about this chapter. It wasn't easy to write and it did not go in the direction I had planned on taking. I do hope it answers some questions. I also hope it is taken in the context that it is intended: two friends sharing, one trying to help the other. And, in case it isn't clear, two weeks has passed. In that time Meredith has avoided Cristina. Cristina has realized how much her friends mean to her. Some other things have happened, but I am saving them for the next update**

_October 11th_

Fingers trembling, Meredith stares at the smooth skin of her inner thigh, scalpel poised. Her mind fumbles to recall when she had last felt the need to over throw the emotional with the physical. Not since her mother's email declaring her an ordinary embarassment. Seven weeks of being anything but ordinary. What a fool she had been. She wasn't extraordinary, she was just…Meredith. Dark, twisted, damaged Meredith.

A small whimper whispers across her tense lips as she presses the blade into her delicate flesh. Deeper, deeper still, she presses, transfixed by the ruby colored blood that slowly seeped from the inch long cut. Pressing even deeper, she fights to not cry out. She needed the pain. She needed something…anything…to make the ugly horror of that night two weeks ago away.

"I know you're in there, so you might as well open the door."

Gritting her teeth, Meredith ignores Cristina's strained declaration. Closing her eyes, she drags the razor sharp blade through her flesh. The last person she wanted to see was the girl on the other side of the thin white door.

"Acting a bit childish, don't you think?"

Again, the words fell on deaf ears. Nothing the other girl said would get through the haze that had settled around her. She wasn't sure which end was up. Her own thoughts warred with the logic Derek and Izzie had spouted. Cristina would have more logic. She didn't want to hear anymore logic, especially not from Cristina.

"This is bloody ridiculous Meredith. I've said I was sorry. Over and over again. I don't know what the fuck else I'm suppose to say or do. I'm not good at this friend thing. Clearly." There is a loud sigh followed by disgusted harrumphing noise. "You know, I'm not going to keep apologizing. I'm not going to just wait for you to grow up and quit sulking. So I left you at a party having a good time. Big deal."

Meredith tightens her hold on the scalpel. Grow up. Quit sulking. Good time. Big deal. Each accusation, each word, was like a blow. She wanted to scream that there was nothing fun about being drugged and having two men use her while she was unconscious, that not knowing the exact details of that night was a big deal, that she was more grown up than Cristina herself, that she was allowed to sulk after what she had been through. She wouldn't though. She would not give into the urge to scream. Instead, she would cut the pain from her. She would cut out every ache that constricted her soul.

"Fine. You know what, I have better things to do than wait around for some silly girl who has mommy issues to decide to be my friend again."

Something inside her snapped. Throwing the surgical instrument down, Meredith yanked the bathroom door open, green eyes blazing. "Maybe I have better things to do than hang around selfish bitches who leave their friends at the mercy of heartless pricks. Maybe I have better things to do than hear you apologize for what happened to me that night!"

Cristina stares at her eyes wide. "What are you talking about? What happened to you that night?" Dark eyes glide over Meredith's body, settling on the blood that was pouring down her leg and onto the white tile. Her lips part, as though to ask what had happened, then snap shut when she notices the scalpel. "Mere…"

"Don't. Don't look at me that way. You don't know shit abut my life." Meredith shifts around, drawing her legs up against her chest. Warm liquid continued to ooze down her leg. She doesn't care. It was letting the pain go. It was freeing her.

"Don't I? I know your mother is a moron who doesn't have a clue about you, cause if she did she wouldn't treat you the way she does. I know that you miss your father even though you say you don't care and that you hate him for leaving. I know that you are not tough as you try to come off," Cristina shot back. There was no disguising the bit of hurt that clouded her dark eyes. "I also know that doing what you're doing," she motions towards the scalpel and the blood forming a small pool beneath Meredith, "it isn't going to help."

Meredith scowls. Damn it. This is what she got for letting people in. Well meaning friends who thought they knew best. Derek and Izzie wanting her to see some counselor. Alex harping at her to go to a doctor. Now Cristina had the audacity to tell her the one thing that made her feel better didn't help. Showed what she knew. Showed what they all knew. Counselors did nothing but ask how things made her feel. Doctors violated already violated bodies. Cutting made the emotional pain bearable.

"You think it fixes things, right? That it makes it all bearable?" The dark haired girl folded her tiny body into the corner opposite Meredith's. "All it does is distract you from facing the problem. That was $25,000 worth of advice you know. My father paid out a good chunk to have me 'fixed' and you're getting it for free. No, I didn't get my jollies from slicing and dicing myself. Nothing as interesting as that. Just the boring ole suicide attempt by sleeping pill. Which doesn't work, you know. It just earns you a rather long nap, a stomach pumping, and a trip to the psyche ward."

"I tried to jump off a ferry boat. Derek stopped me. That's how we met." Meredith frowns, unsure why she had let that bit of information slip. She never use to spill her dark secrets, but then she had never really had someone to spill them to. "I'm not mad at you. About leaving. I'm just…I don't know…" Her voice thickens as she searches for the words to explain. It had been so easy with the others. She had been numb with the surreal shock of it all. "I don't remember that night."

Cristina frowns, toying with the cuff of her denim pants. The toe of one black stiletto taps against the tile. To some it would have been a sign of boredom. Meredith knew it to be a habit only. "You don't remember? Did you get that sloshed?"

"I don't now. Maybe. I don't remember." Her index finger reaches up twisting a lock of hair around it. Without the strength of shock she found the words hard to form. She couldn't just blurt it out. She wasn't even sure she could say it. "I…I…I don't remember anything. Just waking up. Naked. With two guys." There. She had said it. It still left a sour taste in her mouth. Still left her with the need to scrub herself with soap and hot water.

"You're kidding right? Like a haha pull one over on silly ole Cristina right?" Cristina stares at her, her dark gaze intense. The pounding of her heart could be heard. "Mere, tell me that was some sick joke." Meredith gives her a small, sad smile, tears burning her eyes. "Oh God. Mere."

"It's okay. I'm fine." Her attempt at nonchalance fell flat.

"It's not okay. You're not fine. Tell me you reported it. Tell me you're talking to someone. Anyone. Even that frigid mother of your's." It must have been written on her face that she hadn't done so, for Cristina let out a groan. "You have to talk to someone. Do you think you can fix this yourself? That by saying nothing it will just go away?"

"I can handle this," Meredith insists, her stomach twisting into a million knots. This was her pain, she would deal with it how she seen fit. She didn't need for some shrink to tell her how stupid she had been for putting herself in that position.

"Bull shit! Handle it how? Cutting yourself to shreds? Thought we just covered that. Cutting doesn't fix the problem, it just distracts you from dealing. You have to deal. If you don't, it's going to eat you alive. Trust me, I know." Cristina scoots closer, her face wrinkled into concern. She looked older, wiser, than her sixteen years.

"You have no clue how I feel! You weren't drugged. You weren't…" She couldn't even say it. She couldn't even say the word. Rape. It was so ugly. How could she even be sure she was tainted by that ugliness? Her mind drew a blank every time she tried to recall the events of that night.

"You're right. I've never had that happen. I have had moments in my life though where I felt I could handle something that was bigger than me. Strong or not, we sometimes we cannot handle things on our own. Sometimes we have to ask for help. Now is one of those times. You have to talk to someone Meredith. You cannot go through life thinking you're to blame for some selfish pricks actions. They're to blame. Them and their stupid boy penises. Not you." The vehemence in Cristina's voice left them both stunned into silence. This was a side of each other they had never seen. Compassion from a girl dubbed as cold, distant, heartless. Sick fetishes for dealing with issues from a girl who seemed to have it all. "We're kids, Mere. No matter how grown up we act, or how much we want it to be otherwise, the fact remains that we're still just kids."

"Who? Who am I suppose to talk to? You said it yourself, my mother is a frigid bitch. All she cares about is discovering new ways to become a surgical God. Izzie's mom? Derek's mom? I don't know them well enough." A small part of her wish she did. A small part of her wished she had met Izzie and Derek in the sandbox, had their mothers guiding her through life. They had no clue how lucky they were. Hell, she even envied Alex. His mother made some small effort during the gaps in her schedule. Usually via text message, but still, it was more than she got from Ellis. If Ellis emailed or sent a text it was to remind her how ordinary she was.

"Fine. You can't talk to your mother, and I get why you wouldn't want to talk to Izzie or Derek's. There has to be someone." Tucking a lock of dark hair behind her ear, Cristina puckers her lips and brows, deep in thought. "I got it. Bailey. She's a bitch at times, but she does listen."

"You want me to spill my guts to The Nazi?" The Nazi. Miranda Bailey. The woman's name alone inspired fear in the hearts of all who stepped into her classroom. "I don't even know her. And what I do know of her scares me."

"You've got to stop listening to that chav Sloan. He knows nothing. He scratches his balls in public for God's sake." The door slams against the wall behind her, startling Cristina into an upright position. "Bailey is tough, yes, but she is also understanding. Hell, she's tutoring my quack of a roomie. Anyone willing to do that can't be all bad."

"I can't." Lowering her gaze, Meredith dabs at the cut on her thigh. The blood had dried to a dirty rust color. She would have to clean it off eventually. It was high up enough that it wouldn't show, unless she wore a pair of shorts, which wouldn't be happening, not with the cool fall weather.

"Can't? Or won't?" Cristina challenged.

"Fine. Won't. I don't know about you, but I don't exactly want to get kicked out." A shiver runs through her body. Sad as it was, this was her home. Here. Where she actually had friends who cared about her. "I don't want us to get in trouble."

"Fuck that. I don't give a shit if I get kicked out." Wisps of dark hair fall across her pale forward as she shakes her head. Cristina looked at her, face still wrinkled up. "You're more important Mere."

"Why do you care so much?" The question came out of no where. Yet, she had to ask, she had to know. She had come to expect warm hugs, giggles, and sweet declarations of caring from Izzie. She had come to expect strength, loyalty, and a quiet connection with Derek. There was even something there with Alex and Addison. She had never expected anything from Cristina, outside a good time. It had never occurred to her there could be more.

"I never really had friends before. Nobody ever really wanted to try. Guess I come across as a bitch at times. But you…you and Izzie…you've…hell I don't know. I don't know why I care, okay? I'm not a caring person. I don't usually care…caring leaves you open to hurt. Been there. Done that. Have the dead mother to prove it. This one shrink…this one was before the one with the brilliant declaration that I was avoiding…said I had commitment issues, that I was afraid to let people in because subconsciously I thought they were going to die. Who knows. Maybe they're right. And…if that is the case…you've got to talk to someone…because this cutting thing…it's no good. Do you know how much therapy I would need if you offed yourself? Quite a bit, I can assure you. And, it's not like I would have Izzie to help me cope. Girl is nothing if not loyal. Won't even talk to me." Cristina let out a sigh.

"So, basically, the only reason you care is because you miss Izzie's chattering and you don't want to go to another therapist?" Meredith couldn't help the small giggle. Squinting her eyes shut and her nose up, she shakes her head, grinning. Even with the smile on her face she felt like crying. She couldn't even really say why. Perhaps Cristina was right. Perhaps she couldn't do this on her own. God, that sucked. Knowing she would have to rely on some adult. Adults never cared about anything but their careers and how the world viewed them. Fuck the messed up kids in their care. "I'll talk to Bailey. I'm not making any promises though."

"Good. Now, one last thing…can you please tell Izzie to be my friend again? Cause I miss her chattering you know?"

It happened at once. One giant bursting. Burst of tears. Burst of laughter. She burst. With the burst came a sense of relief. For once, she gave herself the hope that things would be okay.

**Okay. Now review. Please. lol**


	19. Special Maybe

-1**Author's Note: I thought after all the heavy stuff we needed some humor. I hope find this update not only humorous but enlightening on some things as well. I also want to thank all my friends who have supported me in writing this. I couldn't have done this without Jen, Robyn, Deirdre, and Amy holding my hand. I also want to thank the people reading and leaving reviews. Especially Jime and Emily. As always the reviews mean so much to me. Thanks for taking the time to read! **

October 12th,

Quiet had a way of seeping in, unsettling a room. Quiet had made it's self quite at home in the corner lunch table. The occupants seated around the large round table all looked alike, sullen faced youths of sixteen or seventeen dressed in light blue polo shirts and either khaki pants or skirts, and seemed quite content to let the quiet consume them. With the exception of one. That lone occupant sat, arms crossed over her chest, green eyes gliding across each familiar face.

"I can't take this anymore," Meredith groaned, burying her face in her hands. She peeked at her friends through splayed fingers. None of them had so much as moved a muscle, except Addison, who had lifted a silver compact and was dabbing shiny red lip gloss on her plump lower lip. "Okay, seriously. I forgave her. Why won't you?"

The compact snaps shut. Sullen blue eyes turn to look at Meredith. "I'm not mad at Cristina. I'm mad because nobody will tell me what is going on." Addison crosses her arms, leaning back a bit in the dark blue plastic and steel chair. "I tell you guys everything." Six pairs of eyes turn her way. "Okay, maybe not everything, but close to it. The point is, I tell you guys stuff. Is it to much to ask that you return the favor and share?"

"I have a rash," Alex offered, a bemused smirk on his face. Across the table Addison's eyes narrow, she shakes her head, her glossy red hair falling prettily around her shoulders. "What? You said you wanted us to share. I'm sharing that I have a rash."

"Uncle Steve dropped you on your head when you little, didn't he?" Still shaking her head, Addison rolls her eyes, then leans forward, arms resting on the table.

Alex snorts. "To do that he would have to be home. We know how often that happens." The table falls back into the quiet, the only sound Cristina's nails drumming on the table top.

"So, that chem. test was brutal," Derek interjected, filling the quiet void. "Had some difficult equations on there." He squirms a bit, licking his lips, when he received several odd looks. "I'm trying here, okay?"

"I copied off that cute little blonde. Missy." Mark chuckled, taking a large bite from the cheeseburger that dominated most of the light blue plastic plate before him.

"You mean Mitsy? Dude, she's failing. She don't get her grades up she's out." Shaking his head, Alex shares a look with Derek. Meredith presses her lips together, fighting the smile. She had missed this, missed the good humored bantering, missed them all sitting together.

"Even on the verge of academic expulsion the girl has to be smarter than Sloan." Cristina snickered. Tension crackled, leaving Meredith holding her breath. Izzie broke through by asking Alex what time the Fall Into Autumn decorating party started, which led to a discussion on some of the ridiculous things the dormitories did in an attempt to have the students join together as one big, happy family.

"Theme bowling is my personal favorite," Addison chuckled, her lips twisted into an odd puckered grin. The tiny flecks of glitter in her gloss caught in the sunlight streaming through the large windows behind her. "Their latest one is Monster Bowl. You're suppose to come dressed as your favorite monster. Nothing overtly scary though. Now tell me, have you ever come across a monster that wasn't scary?"

"I'll tell you what is scary, the idea of theme bowling. That's scary. Remember last year? The whole fairytale creature thing?" A visible shudder wracks through Mark's body.

"The worse was Historical Figures of Significance," Alex snickered. There were murmurs of agreement from Mark and Addison. The conversation slowly shifted to the decorating party Forbes Hall would be hosting later that night. Fall Into Autumn. It was a bit laughable, considering that the first day of Autumn had been a little over a week ago.

"You going to come?" Derek looked over at Meredith, his crystalline blue eyes sparkling. "I had them save a place for you…just in case."

Lower lip tucked between her teeth, Meredith's brow wrinkles. He had asked. The night of the dance, he had asked. She had never gotten around to answering him, Cristina had showed up, then there was the party and it's aftermath. The Fall Into Autumn Decorating and Dinner had slipped her mind. Did she want to go? Izzie and Addison were going, at least she assumed Addison was going. Cristina had plans, whatever that meant. So, either sit alone in her room, or decorate Derek's dormitory. "Okay. Sure."

"Yeah?" Derek blinked, staring at her in wonder for a moment before a large grin split across his face. The grin grew even more when she nodded her head, a smile of her own forming. Something curled inside her, something warm and sweet. Something that told her maybe, just maybe, she could be something special.


	20. Stop

-1**Thanks for the reviews. They really mean a lot to me. The next couple updates are as light hearted, for the most part, as the last one. This particular one isn't very long, but it does make it's point. **

**Disclaimer: I do not promote teenage sex. **

_Later that night_

_Forbes Hall_

Scissors cut through construction paper the color of pumpkin pie. Each snip formed the paper into a perfectly shaped maple leaf. It would soon join the many that were neatly stacked in color coordinated piles. A dark scowl marring Mark's face showed no appreciation for the care Addison was taking in dressing his door up for the fall season. In fact, he looked rather annoyed, sitting on the window ledge, arms crossed.

"Can you hand me that bottle of glue and a popsicle stick?" Without looking up, Addison dictated the order in a rather monotone voice, clipping the last bit of the leaf out. "Oh, and that gold glitter as well."

"You're not putting anything with glitter on my door," Mark grumbled. Her dark blue eyes lift from her task of sorting through the leaves, arranging them in what looked to be some sort of order.

"I'm just going to tip the leaves," Addison snipped, rolling her eyes, something she seemed to do more and more often. "If you have a better idea…" she lifted one shoulder, then dropped it. The cowl neck of her lavender sweater slides off one creamy shoulder. She doesn't bother to fix it.

"I have plenty of ideas. " Pushing away from the window, Mark walks toward her, a smirky grin across his lips. He squats behind her, kissing along the exposed shoulder. "Plenty of better ideas."

"Mark, be serious," Addison wiggled away, looking back to give him a dark look. The flush creeping up her cheeks told him she wasn't unaffected by his closeness.

"Oh, I'm very serious." He pulls her back up against the front of him. Heedless of the open door to his room, he moves her long, red hair away from her neck, then kisses the exposed flesh. He can feel the quickening of her breath beneath his fingers as he moves his hands under her soft sweater. Her nipples harden beneath the lace of her bra. He thumbs across the stiff nubs, letting out a soft chuckle when she lets out a soft moan.

It was after the chuckle her whole body went stiff. "Stop." Her tone was firm, as was her grip when she wrapped her fingers around his wrists, pulling his hands away from her breasts.

"Stop?" Mark blinks, frowning. She had scooted away from him, turned so they face each other. Her face was tight, crimson in color. "What the hell…Addison?"

"Stop. It means I don't want to." Addison crossed her arms over her chest, hunching her shoulders down a bit. "It means I'm tired of sex being the only thing to this…whatever it is…we have going on."

Mark stares at her. Were they really trying to have this conversation? They weren't suppose to have this conversation. Addison wasn't suppose to be like the other girls, and there were other girls. She was suppose to know the score. Hell, he thought she did know the score. "Sex is the only thing we have going on," he says, confused. It was only after she had slammed out of his room that he realized maybe there was more, and maybe he should have kept his mouth shut.


	21. Sweet

-1**I dedicate this chapter to Emily and Jimi. I hope it is what you were looking for. It is not quite what I had planned but this is what I got. It is mushy and gushy. **

There was nothing more either of them could do. Neither one of them were overly artistic, nor did they have the desire to force themselves to be. Instead, they stuck with what they knew, and what they knew brought a giggle to her lips and a wide grin to his.

"It's not too bad," Meredith giggled, tucking her lips together to keep from bursting into a high pitched laugh. They stood in the hallway, just outside Derek's room, staring at their handiwork. A large apple tree that looked more like it belonged on a the door of a pre-school classroom than a high school boy's dorm room at prep school. "I mean, it could be worse right?"

Derek's shoulder's lift in a nonchalant sort of shrug. He hadn't shown much interest in the door decorating contest mandated by the house parents of Forbes hall. The only reason, he had confessed early, he was even doing it was so he wouldn't have a yellow mark in his file for not being social. "It could be." He glances down at her, his sky blue eyes twinkling. "Makes me think of home."

"Yeah." Meredith let's her lips lift into a soft smile. She peeks up at Derek, then back at the tree. Childish or not, it gave her a moment of home sickness. "Every fall my school takes this field trip to Wilson's Banner Ranch. We pick a crazy amount of apples. The lower grades would get to pick a pumpkin." Most her of apples ended up thrown away as she couldn't eat them on her own and Ellis could never be bothered to do anything with them.

"I've been there. It's like this tradition we have. A few days before Thanksgiving we go, pick a bunch of apples and a few pumpkins. Mom makes the best pies. Always from scratch. My sisters…I have five of them…they help." A wistful look passes over Derek's face.

"You really miss your family don't you?" Envy tinged her voice. She had no family. Just a father who hadn't loved her enough to stay and a mother who barely noticed she existed. To the best of her knowledge she had no siblings, and if she did they clearly could care less that she existed.

"Don't tell my sisters, but yeah, I kinda do. Weird, huh?" He let's out a half laugh, then sighs. "I couldn't wait to get away from them. Especially Nancy and Kathleen. Now, well now I miss them. I even miss Nancy's whining about her latest guy troubles."

Meredith giggles, thinking back to the night they met and his rambling speech about guys not being worth it. Her laughter fades away, but the smile remains. "She has a lot of them I take it?"

"Oh you have no idea. There's a new one every week. Literally. It's insane. I've told mom they need to do something about her. Do they listen to me? Nope. They just laugh. They're not going to be laughing though when she comes up pregnant and has no idea who the father is. Sorry. I love her, but my sister is a slut. Yes. I just called my sister a slut." Derek rolls his eyes, then slings an arm around her shoulders as they turn their attention back towards the apple tree.

It felt nice, having his arm around her shoulders. She felt safe, cared for. Smiling, she raises up on tip toe. She presses her lips against his cheek. He turns towards her, his eyes wide with surprise. She smiles, then closes her eyes, pressing her lips against his.


	22. Slow Down

-1**Author's Note: I realize this update took some time to get to you. I apologize for that. I started a new job, which takes up quite a bit of my time. I also hit a spell where I thought my writing mojo was gone. It isn't wonderful or anything, but it does set up a future story line. **

A lock of blonde hair fell across down cast chocolate colored eyes as long, slender fingers arranged intricately painted leaves on a black cork board. Each leaf had been carefully selected, chosen for their upraised veins. The veins had been outlined with glue, then dusted with a bronze powder borrowed from her make up bag.

"How does it look?" Her head lifts, the lock of hair brushing her cheek. She stared at him, her large eyes wide as she waited for his answer with anticipation. A smile stretches across his lips as he studies the poster size art work Izzie had created. Bronzed leaves blowing across the night sky. Not too girly, like the glittery leaves he had just seen Mark attempting to pin up on his door. Not too childish, like the cutesy apple tree Derek was sporting outside his room.

"I like it." Reaching out, Alex tucks the lock of hair behind her ear. He let's his fingers linger on the soft skin of her cheek. She always felt so soft, her skin like silk. He trails his fingers down the gentle curve of her neck. Her body responds the way he knew it would, tiny goose bumps prickling her flesh. Her breath quickens as lowers his mouth to her's.

It felt so good, having her body flush against his. His mouth breaks free from her's, moving slowly along her throat. Her fingers dig into his shoulders, and a small squeak escapes her lips when he nips the small indentation between her neck and collar bone.

"Alex," Izzie gasps, her fingers digging even deeper into his skin. He barely notices the sting as he slides his hands up her hips. Her slender body trembles slightly when his hand cups one small breast. He waits for her to say 'stop' or for her to move away. She does neither. Instead, she moves closer. Instinct told him to lock the door and move her towards the bed. Logic told him to move slow. While the two warred, he started to slide his hand towards the hem of her sweater. The moment his fingers touched the smooth skin of her abdomen she jerked away. "I can't…"

Pressing his lips in a thin line, Alex's brow wrinkles. He wasn't going to be that guy, the one who pressured. He could see it in her eyes, if he pushed the right buttons she would cave. He wouldn't do it though. No matter how much his body was telling him to.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. Her gaze had dropped to the floor, her arms crossed over her chest. A slight flush had crept up her cheeks. "I just…I'm sorry."

Frowning, Alex rubs a hand across his short dark hair. She was sorry? She hadn't done anything wrong. "No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…" His voice trailed off. The room fell into a awkward silence, neither of them looking at the other. He clears his throat, not sure what to say. "I really am sorry," he says finally. She nods, still not looking at him. "I won't…"

Her head jerks up. "It's that I don't want to…it's just…I…" A scarlet flush was staining her face, giving her the appearance of being over heated. "I'm not ready for…" If it was at all possible, her face grew an even darker red. The tip of her pink tongue darts out to lick her lips. Something odd crosses her face, this compelling mixture of confusion and conflict. "I'm not a prude, contrary to what Cristina thinks, and it's not that I don't want too…its just…I don't know…I guess I'm not ready." Her breath gushes out in a loud whoosh. "I mean, come on we've only had one and a half dates, both of which have been school functions." The words were a bit shaky. A quick glance at her hands revealed that they were shaking as well.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…" He winces, realizing he was parroting his earlier apology. "Look, let's just forget it happened okay? Go back to talking about the leaf thingy." Alex waves his hand in the direction of the poster Izzie had made. A second look revealed a faint outline of his name in the small dashes that trailed the leaves. "It's kinda cool looking. Way better than Sloan's glitter leaves."

Izzie shakes her head, a smile flittering across her lips; lips that were still a bit swollen from their kiss. She moves closer to him, hesitation in her gaze. "What if I don't want to forget it happened? What if I…like…" the flush creeps back up her neck. "Maybe we could just go slow. See where it goes?" Her dark eyes search his face, her chest pausing as she holds her breath waiting for him to respond. When he nods, her breath comes out in a relieved whoosh. "So you really like the leaf thingy?"

"Yeah," Alex grins, "I really like the leaf thingy." 


	23. Bad Idea

-1**Author's Note: I really debated on whether or not I wanted to go down the path I am going down. I knew that once I took that path there would be no going back. So, deep breath here, I am throwing caution to the wind. I am going to go down the path, praying that everyone loves it. I am also praying that everyone forgives the fact that this update isn't as good as it could have been. I have no excuse except I have been really busy at work. Keep the reviews coming. They're what keep me inspired.**

Loneliness was a state of mind Cristina knew a bit too well. Most nights she was able to brush the emotion aside. Tonight was different. Tonight she couldn't force the loneliness away. She wasn't entirely sure she wanted to either.

Shifting from her back onto her left side, Cristina hugs her spare pillow to her chest. The soft linen, a deep burgundy in color, felt cool against the strip of skin exposed by a fitted t shirt that didn't quite meet the black jogging pants she wore. She buries her face in the plump pillow, hating herself for being so weak. It had been six years since her mother's death. She should be over it by now. Most days she was able to forget, to block out the sweet faced woman who braided her hair and called her angel-mine. Tonight, though, tonight she couldn't forget.

Her body tenses, jumping slightly, at the sharp rapping on the thin door that separated her room from the hallway. The rapping was followed by scratching and giggling. Frowning, she tossed the pillow aside, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. "What the fu…" her voice trails off when she opens the door to find Meredith smiling back at her.

"Hi!" A wide grin splits across the smaller girl's face, her Peridot colored eyes twinkling. A giggle trickles past lips swollen to a rosy pink. "Guess what I've been doing."

Resisting the urge to slam the door in her friend's face, Cristina shrugs, her fingers wrapping around the edge of the edge of the door. Guessing games were not her forte. In fact, they annoyed her. "I don't know, Mere. Making out?" It wasn't the guess Meredith wanted. No doubt the little blonde wanted a guess at who it was that had left the flush in her cheeks.

"Duh. Wanna guess who with?" Biting her lower lip while she grinned from ear to ear Meredith wedged herself through the small opening between Cristina's body and the door frame. "Come on. Take a guess. You'll never guess who."

Slamming the door, Cristina lets out a sigh, rolling her eyes to the ceiling. "If I'm not going to be able to guess then why ask me to at all?" Her arms cross as she waits for Meredith to respond.

"Cause." Meredith teases. "Guessing is fun."

"Right. Fun for who?" She moves towards her bed, wanting nothing more than to crawl back into the warm cocoon she had made for herself. "Not me." She sinks onto the edge of her bed, wiggling her body across the surface until her back comes into contact with the wall. Drawing her legs up to her chest she grabs a pillow, wrapping her arms around it.

"Oh, cheer up. Smile. Life is good." Hearing those words cross the lips of a girl who cut herself to feel better was a bit disturbing. Even more disturbing was the dreamy look clouding normally brooding green eyes. "So? Do you want to know?"

"No matter how I answer that you're going to tell me. So, go on. Get it over with." Her chin drops onto the side of the pillow. Her dark curls fall forward, tickling her cheeks.

"Derek."

Cristina bolts upright. She hadn't heard right. She couldn't have. There was no way Meredith had just confessed to making out with Derek. Their Derek. Their buddy Derek. She opens her mouth, then snaps it shut. Her face wrinkles up, her mouth opening again. "You and Derek?" Meredith nods. "Derek Shepherd?" Another nod. "Are you mad?"

Meredith blinks. "No." Hurt seeped through the ecstatic shine in her eyes. Cristina didn't let it effect her. Meredith wasn't thinking clearly; not if she was mouth mating with Derek. Derek! The girl had to be mad. She had to be. "He makes me feel important Cristina. Like I matter."

The mommy and daddy issues. Of course. It all came together now. She should have realized. She had those issues herself. "You are important. You do matter. You don't need to make out with Derek to…" She stops as Meredith starts shaking her head.

"It's not just the kissing. I don't know how to describe it okay? He just makes me feel…important." Meredith stares at her, the seriousness of her words sinking in.

"He's Derek! Cristina frowned.

"I know who he is, Cristina." Meredith snapped. Her irritation was starting to show. Cristina didn't care. The girl didn't know what she was getting into. It wouldn't work, it would end in disaster. "I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. You're so very, very wrong."

Cristina stares after her. She hoped like hell that she was wrong. She seldom was though, and something niggled at her telling her that Meredith and Derek…they were a bad idea.


	24. Baa Hum Bug

-1

_December 19_

A slender white finger with candy apple red polished nails twists a lock of gold colored hair. The soft cracking of bubble gum punctuates the otherwise silent cabin of Flight 702. Never one to waste money Ellis had booked Meredith on the red eye. Feigned motherly concern also played a factor; although Meredith doubted the concern had anything to do with her safety and everything to do with Ellis's surgical schedule.

Popping another large bubble, she stares down at the lime green and white polka-dot iPod that she holds in her left hand. She isn't quite sure why she even brought it. Her nerves are strung too tight to listen to any music, her mind occupied with the fact that for almost two weeks she would be stuck with her mother. She had tried to get out of it, using an already finished Domestic Arts project with Cristina as an excuse. Ellis hadn't gotten where she was by being gullible though, and had told Meredith that she had best be on that place and if there was any project that needed to be done it could be done via telephone.

"Miss?"

She looks up to find a flight attendant standing less than an inch away. Her gaze travels up the blue slacks and lighter blue sweater to the kind face of a woman in her late forties. "I'm fine," she answers before the attendant, Susan her name tag read, could ask.

"Well, that is always a plus," Susan laughs, her dark eyes dancing with merriment. Not sure how to respond Meredith smiles, her fingers tightening around the iPod. "Pilot should be announcing that we're landing soon." As though on cue the pilot makes the announcement.

Still smiling like some crazy person Meredith watches as the flight attendant walks away. There is the usual round of pre-landing announcements about putting the seat in the up-right positing, of securing all trays fastening seatbelts, and the weather conditions. She hears none of this, she is mentally preparing for the meeting with her mother. If she is lucky Lucy, her mother's personal assistant, would be there instead.

Meredith waits until the rest of the plane has disembarked, then stands up. She slowly removes the black carry on bag from the over head compartment before creeping her way up the slender aisle. She forces a smile for the pilot who asks if the flight went well. She can do little more than nod, her lips unable to form words.

Gulping down the lump that has formed in her throat she follows the crowd down the terminal, each step bringing another onslaught of dread.

A bone chilling wind cuts through the blue and white ski jacket Izzie had dawned the moment she seen her mother's dark green mini-van pull in front of Robbins Hall. Strands of curly blonde hair whip across her face as she shoves one of her four over-night bags into the back. She reached up to pull her pink beanie down further, not that it helped much. She scowls when another lock blows across her mouth.

"How come you're mad?"

Blinking, Izzie looked up to find her eleven year sister Hannah leaning over the back seat. "I'm not mad." She lowers her eyes, not wanting to meet the earnest hazel gaze of the flaxen haired girl before her.

"You sounded mad." Hannah leaned further over the seat, her twin braids falling over her shoulders. "Earlier. On the phone. Is it cause mom isn't letting you go skiing with that boy?"

The scowl deepens. Leave it to Hannah to bring up the one blight on her Christmas vacation. Alex's parents had invited her along to Aspen. Not for Christmas, just the week after. It would have meant being with Alex on New Year's Eve. Her mother had said a resounding 'no.' Forget that the Karev's were going to pay for the plane ticket. Forget that Alex and she would be chaperoned. Forget that other parents weren't so uptight. Karen Stevens wasn't other mothers, she was Izzie's and she wasn't going to let her daughter go off on some trip with a boy she didn't know.

"I'm not mad," Izzie repeated. She wasn't mad. She was furious.

"Uh huh. Sure." Hannah rolled her eyes, turning around as their mother came out the front door of Robbins Hall, carrying the last of Izzie's bags.

"What are you two talking about?" Karen breezed over, tossing the green bag on top the others. She starts to press a kiss to Izzie's cheek, frowning when Izzie flinched. "Are you going to act this way all break?" Izzie shrugged, moving away. "You'll thank me one day, you know."

"Right," Izzie muttered, reaching up to slam the back of the van shut. She would never thank her mother for this. Never. It wasn't fair. "I'm going to thank you for ruining my life!"

"I'm not ruining your life," Karen sighed. She crossed her arms, staring intently at Izzie. "Did you honestly expect your father and I to let you go off with some boy we haven't met?"

Hope flared. Then died. It wouldn't matter if her mother met Alex. The answer would still be no. "It doesn't really matter what I thought or expected does it? Since all you seem to are about is ruining my life!" Stomping around to the front of the van she yanks open the passenger side door, then slams it. No way in hell she was riding in the front with her mother. Lifting her chin she slides open the back door and climbs inside. Settling into the captains chair she fit's the small ear buds of the iPod Alex had given her for Christmas into her ears. The bluesy voice of Jenny Lewis filled her ears, drowning out the her mother's voice. Her mother didn't want to give her what she wanted, fine. She would return the favor by making Christmas Break as miserable as possible.

People were staring.

Cristina could feel their eyes taking her in. The twin pig tails high on either side of her head, adorned with skinny pink ribbons that were the exact same shade of the bra she visibly wore beneath a sheer, form fitting white sweater. A black pleated skirt that almost didn't cover her ass and patten leather above the knee boots completed the naughty school girl look she was going for. Shock and awe. She thrived on it.

"Miss Cristina."

The melrose voice of her father's butler twists her ruby painted mouth into a smile. Hudgins was the one constant in her life. The seventy-three year old Englishman was more than hired help. He was family.

"Hudgy." Her arms automatically wrap around the elderly man, her eyes closing as she inhales the comforting aroma of pipe tobacco and beeswax. For as long as she could remember he had smelled this way. She had once read that scents triggered emotions, she could believe it was true. Anytime she smelled beeswax or pipe tobacco she felt safe and cared for, the same emotions Hudgins always inspired.

The elderly man patted her back, making soft clucking noises with his tongue. "There now. Tis good to see you as well miss."

Cristina smiles faintly. The fingers of her left hand curl in the lapel of the stiff, black suit Hudgins wore. It was the same cut suit he had always worn. Another bit of familiar comfort in her life. "Did my father say what time he would be in tonight?" Victor Yang had phoned her the week before to let her know he would be home for the holiday. She had tried to not let herself become excited, had tried to not make plans, yet she was still childish enough to do those very things. Images of ice skating in Rockefeller Center and New Years in Times Square had popped into her head. Those images burst when Hudgins looked away. Her heart constricts, behind her lids her eyes started to burn. "He's not coming is he?"

"I'm afraid not miss."

Dark pig tails bounce around her shoulders as she nods. Her chin tucks against her chest, her breath coming out of pursed lips in short little pants. The old anxiety of being alone was creeping back in. "What was his excuse this time?" Her voice was little more than a whisper. She wasn't even certain he had heard her.

"He didn't give one."

Hudgins was lying. Her father always had an excuse. She had learned long ago that when Hudgins said there wasn't one it meant her father had tossed her aside for his latest girl friend. "Where did he meet this one?"

"Paris, I believe."

Paris. It figured. Paris was where her father met most of his flings. There had been one, Claudia, that he had met in Berlin. Then there had been Kathleen, the sassy Irish girl he had met in a swank London club. None of his flings meant much, nor did they last long, but while in one he entirely forgot about his sixteen year old daughter. In her rare moments of honesty, Cristina could admit that it wasn't just during his 'relationships' that he forgot about it, it was all the time. She reasoned it was because she reminded him of her mother, but even that wasn't the truth. The truth was her father was a selfish ass who had time for no one but himself.

"I had thought to order dinner in for you miss. Perhaps the traditional holiday fare?"

Cristina shook her head. There was no point in eating Christmas dinner alone. It would only serve as a reminder that she truly was alone in this world. "I'm not much on Christmas. You know that." Oh how well the lie fell off her tongue, though it was slowly becoming more truth than lie. There had been a time she loved Christmas. The sparkling lights on a festively decorated tree, the thrill of shaking presents in an attempt to figure out what was inside, the warmth of giving something to someone and knowing they would love it. Those days were long gone though, buried with her mother. Each year her heart hardened a bit more, her childish hopes fading.

"Very well."

Neither said much as he held open the back door of the black Mercedes sedan. Smiling in a rather miserable way, Cristina slid into the backseat. Her almond shaped dark eyes burned in a familiar way. She wouldn't give in though. A single tear drop rebelled, running down her cheek, leaving in its wake a stream of black mascara.

Christmas vacation was usually the high light of Alex's year. His parents would pack the family up and head for the slopes of Aspen. They didn't go for the skiing or snow boarding, Sun Valley was better suited for that. No, they went to be seen. He was fine with that. It usually meant they were off at parties, which left him plenty of time to throw his own parties. He would spend the two and a half weeks drinking, sleeping with girls he would never see again, and dreading when he had to go back to school. Not this year though, this year he wanted the holidays to go by as quickly as possible. Two and a half weeks without Izzie was going to be torture.

Two weeks and one day, he amended as he shrugged out of his black North Face down jacket. He dropped the thick, coat on the burgundy wing back chair that sat in the corner of his bedroom. It instantly slid to the ground. He made no move to pick it up, instead he flopped back on his bed, bored out of his mind.

"Alex?" He lifted his head, found his older sister Gwen standing in the door way. Still wearing her hot pink and black ski gear, she looked a bit like a neon sign.

"What?" He came off more surly than he meant to. In addition to missing Izzie, he was starting to really miss sex. He was trying to understand Izzie's point of view, he really was, but a guy could only go so long.

"Dad said to tell you not to bother unpacking. He just got a call and has to fly out to Hong Kong. Mom's going with him, so we're going to Aunt Elise's." Gwen rolled her eyes. "Like I'm not capable of keeping you under control."

"Where's Aunt Elise spending the holidays?" He sat up straighter. His father's younger sister liked to gamble and usually spent the holidays in either Las Vegas or Ocean City. He crossed his fingers for Ocean City. Izzie wasn't far from there. Maybe thirty minutes.

"Ocean City," Gwen said with a grimace. It was clear where his older sister had been hoping their eccentric aunt would be spending Christmas. "Seriously, what does the woman see in that place?"

"I dunno." Alex didn't really care either. His holidays were starting to look up. Grinning from ear to ear, he vaulted off his bed. "Better get packing Gwen," he said cheerfully. Yup, his holidays really were starting to look up.

Sunlight glared through the wall of windows that lined the back side of the Sloan's Malibu beach house. Seventeen year old Mark sat facing them, slouched in a lipstick red leather club chair, sunglass perched on his nose and a bottle of beer dangling from one hand. Wave after wave of blue green water rolled onto the sparkling sand.

"Markie?"

His handsome face falls into a scowl as his step-mother's high pitched voice interrupted his semi-tranquil state. Felicia Sloan, his father's twenty two year old bride, was the last person he wanted invading his space right now. "I thought I told you not to call me that," he growled. He lifted the bottle of Heineken to his lips, taking a long sip.

"Yes, yes. I know. You're too much of man to be called such a little boy name." Felicia mocked. She dropped into the chair next to his, her long, slender tan legs stretched out before her. A quick glance in her direction revealed that she wore a barely there pink bikini that left little to the imagination. "Like what you see Markie?" She mocked, raising her hands to cup her breasts, pushing them together to enhance her already massive cleavage. Plastic boobs to go with her plastic smile and bleached blonde hair.

"I've seen better," Mark snickered. His mind instantly goes to a beautiful red haired girl of sixteen with the large blue eyes and creamy white skin. Addison. His smirk fell from his face. "Besides, haven't you heard, plastic isn't as fun to play with as the real thing." As he had known the words brought a scowl to Felicia's face. He knew her game. Trevor Sloan was a busy man. Gone all the time. She wasn't the first step mother to try and get the son to warm her bed. And, knowing his father, she wouldn't be the last either.

"You're an ass. You know that?" Felicia shrieked, flinging herself out of the chair. She stood over him, her beautiful face a mask of fury.

"Yeah. I get that a lot." Mark took the last drink of beer, letting the bottle drop to the floor. Reaching out, he grabs the waist of his father's young wife, pulling her down onto his lap, her legs splayed on either side of his thighs. A knowing smile lights up her face as her hand automatically go for the gold, unsnapping his khaki colored shorts. Once she had him free, she started to move her bikini bottoms to the side. He stopped her, reaching into his front pocket for a condom. He wasn't a complete idiot. Not true, a small voice in his head whispered, you never remembered one with Addison. He shoved the thought aside, rolling the latex down the length of his cock. He had barely moved his hand when Felicia lowered herself, taking him into her warmth. He gripped her hips, closing his eyes behind the dark lenses of his sun glasses. He wouldn't' say it aloud, but right then he would have killed for the woman riding him to be Addison.

Trembling fingers gripped the small, slender white and purple plastic stick. Through tear blurred eyes Addison read the results. One line. She lets out a small sigh of relief. The relief doesn't last as a second line started to appear. "No, no, no," she whispered, her body starting to shake. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be happening. Not to her.

A knock on her bathroom door startled her into dropping the positive pregnancy test. "Addison?" The soft, accented voice of her parents house keeper drifted through the doorway. "Your father would like to see you in his office when you get a chance."

Wiping at her tear stained face, Addison stood up. Strands of copper colored hair stick to her damp cheeks. She doesn't bother pushing them off her face. Instead, she yanked open the bathroom door, stepping around the short, almost rotund woman standing outside the door. "Thanks Helga." The German woman gave her a curt nod before heading in the opposite direction.

Addison slowly made her way to her father's office. She hesitated outside the dark paneled room, then taking a deep breath, slipped inside. Her father sat behind his large desk, barking orders into his cell phone and entering something into his palm pilot. She twisted her fingers together, her heart pounding. "Daddy?"

Winston Montgomery-Forbes looked up from what he was doing. He abruptly ended his conversation and laid his palm pilot down. "I'm going to be blunt with you. Your mother has left us. Ran off with that new pool boy, Javier. I made it clear to her that she is no longer to have any contact with you. This has nothing to do with you, and to ensure that you realize this, I have taken the liberty of making an appointment for you with a child psychologist."

A wave of nausea rolled through her stomach. This wasn't happening. The pregnancy, her mother leaving, it was all a bad dream. It had to be.


	25. Merry Freaking Christmas

-1December 24

It was an average home, two and a half stories of rambling light blue siding and sparkling windows framed by white shutters. A metal framed snowman wrapped in twinkling blue lights and a set of plastic reindeer grazing decorated one side of the large front lawn. It wasn't nearly as nice as, or as large, as her mother's house but it looked more like a home.

Meredith tightened her fingers around the steering wheel of her mother's Lexus. She stared up at the Shepherd's house, knowing she should get out of the car and knock on the door. Logically she knew they were expecting her, Derek had even had his mother call to reassure her it wouldn't be intruding, yet it felt like that was exactly what she was doing, intruding on their Christmas Eve. She had known she would eventually meet Derek's family, it was all they had talked about the last five days. To meet them on a day that was usually reserved just for family though, it added to the pressure. He had four sisters she had to impress in addition to normal parents.

"Hey." The slightly pudgy face of a girl barely into her teens pressed against the window of the car. Meredith lets out a small shriek. "Are you Derek's friend?"

Meredith nodded. She really needed to get out of the car. Forcing her fingers to loosen their hold on the steering wheel she plastered a fake smile on her face. She took a deep breath then opened the car door, barely missing hitting the girl standing outside it. "I'm Meredith." She held her hand out. The girl stared at her, her dark brows quirked up, her face wrinkled. Meredith let her hand drop, her face flushing almost the same color of red as the cashmere sweater she wore under her black wool coat.

"Hillary?" A medium height woman with Derek's dark hair stood on the front porch, her arms crossed against the cold. "Oh. Hello. You must be Meredith." Mrs. Shepherd smiled at her.

"Uh, yes. I'm Meredith. That's me. Meredith." She sounded like a rambling idiot. Her face blushed hotter. Behind her she can hear Hillary snort. If Derek's other sisters were anything like the urchin behind her she was in for a long, cold day. "I'm really sorry about intruding."

"Then why did you?" Hillary muttered as she passed. She tugged the blue beret that had been perched on her head off, tossing it onto the antique side table that was just inside the door. Her navy blue parka followed suit.

"Closet. And mind your manners," Mrs. Shepherd chided. Her hands settled on Meredith's shoulders, helping her shrug out of her jacket. "And it isn't an intrusion at all."

"Mere!" Derek bound down the stairs, a wide grin on his face. He slung his arms around her, pulling her into a bone crushing hug. "I was starting to worry."

"Traffic was kind of…you know…busy." Meredith untangled herself, smoothing her sweater down. She fidgeted with her knee length denim pencil skirt, her fingers needing something to do. "Plus I had to drop my mom off at the hospital."

"Oh goodness, I hope she is alright," Mrs. Shepherd fretted, her face wrinkled in concern.

Meredith couldn't help smiling, this time in earnest. "My mother is a surgeon," she said proudly. The last four days with Ellis had been civil, almost as though they had a normal relationship. They had spent the first afternoon shopping for a new wardrobe, and while she knew it was just her mother's way of insuring she dressed appropriately back in Boston, it had been nice. The next day her mother had invited her to the hospital, even arranged for her to sit in the gallery during a surgery. It had been pure ecstasy, watching her mother take a man who was on the brink of death and giving him a new lease on life. Tomorrow they had a quiet dinner at home planned. Ellis wasn't a cook but she had made arrangements for dinner to be delivered.

"Really? What sort?" A waspish voice caused her to turn. A female version of Derek stood with her arms crossed. She knew without asking or being told that this was Nancy, the sister that was two years older than Derek. She was also the sister Derek had warned her about.

"She has a specialty in neurology." Meredith said in quiet voice. She could feel herself folding in. "Yesterday I was able to watch her-"

"Isn't it illegal to let people watch surgeries? Does your mother make a practice of breaking the law?" Nancy cut in.

"She…she works at a learning hospital. People watch surgeries there all the time." Meredith started to explain. Again Nancy cut her off with a snide remark how invasive that must be for the patients, having an audience on them while they try to get better. "It isn't like that at all. Everyone knows Seattle Grace is a learning hospital. They know how it is before they even come."

"I didn't know Seattle Grace was a learning hospital. Did you Ma?" Nancy stared at her mother, arms still crossed over her almost non-existent chest.

"I haven't heard much of anything about Seattle Grace," Mrs. Shepherd admitted. She shot Meredith a sympathetic smile. "I'm sure your mother is a wonderful doctor."

"Surgeon, Ma. Doctors are just people. Surgeons are Gods. Right Meredith?" Nancy challenged. Meredith didn't know how to answer. The truth was Nancy was right. Many surgeons did see themselves as Gods. She said nothing. "I bet their kids think that way too. Think they are above everyone else. Can't hack it in a regular school so mommy pays for them to go to another one. Drink a bit to much, have a threesome, and then cries rape. Yeah. That about sums up how above normal people surgeons kids are."

The blood drained from Meredith's face. She stumbled around, not bothering to grab her jacket as she darted out the front door. Tears burned down her cheeks as she hurried towards her mother's car. How could he? How could he share her most personal secrets with his sister? And how could he twist them around that way?

"Mer!"

She paused when she heard him call her name. Balling her small hands into fists, she spun around. "What?" She demanded through clenched teeth. "Want me to share some more things with you so you can tell them to your bitch of sister?"

"You can't let her get to you like that," Derek said firmly. He held her jacket in his hands. He held it out to her. She yanked it away. "And you have to admit, there is some truth.."

"Are you fucking kidding me! Yeah, my mom paid to get me into Milton. Big fucking deal. I still had to pass the tests. It isn't my fault you're some scholarship kid. And, I was fucking drugged! Drugged, Derek. I didn't have a threesome. I was raped!" She fumbled for the keys, almost dropping them in her rush to unlock the sleek black car. She tossed her jacket onto the passenger seat before sliding into the driver's seat. "I can't believe I was ever your friend, let alone thought we could be more!" She slammed the door, sobbing. Merry Freaking Christmas to her. She had known things were too good to be true.

In the furthest corner of the living, to the left of the electric fireplace, an over decorated Christmas tree seemed to mock her. Izzie had never paid close attention to how haphazard her family's tree was, but then she had never dated a boy with a trust fund that made her father's yearly income look like pocket change. Chewing her lip, she scanned the rest of the room. Comfortable looking furniture in a muted shade of sage green, average looking carpet in a darker shade of green, and silly family photographs everywhere. It wasn't bad, a bit too much green, it just wasn't great either.

"Mom says to tell you that you need to come help in the kitchen and stop mooning about when that boy is showing up." Hannah teased from behind her. Izzie whirled around, the end of her ponytail slapping her across the face. She stuck her tongue out, not caring when Hannah let out a whiny threat to tell as she ran off in the direction from which she had came. Big deal. Let the little brat tell. It wasn't like she had shoved or hit her.

"That was real mature." The amused voice of her older sister brought the smile back to her face. At twenty-two, almost twenty-three, Callie spent most of her time at college at NYU. She rarely came home, only when she felt the pressure from her mother and step-father. Most holidays she flew out to California to visit her ailing paternal grandmother. Her biological father had hit the road when his sixteen year old girlfriend was pregnant, never to be seen again. "So, I hear your boyfriend is coming for dinner."

Izzie nodded, her face hurting from all the smiling she had done. With Callie here their mother would let up a bit. Karen Stevens always seemed to be more sedate when faced with the living reminder that she had not always been the picture of goodness she tried to present now. Callie's presence was also a reminder to Izzie of why her mother wouldn't let up on her when it came to going anywhere with Alex. "Yeah. He's coming for lunch, then he has to get back to his aunt's for dinner. His family invited me up, but you know how mom is." She couldn't resist rolling her eyes.

"Yeah. I know. Which is why I figured you could use a break." Callie slung an arm around her. "You, my silly little sister, get to spend the rest of your break with me."

"Seriously?" Izzie stared at her sister in a semi-shocked state. Their mother had never let her go see Callie for more than a weekend at a time. Then again, Izzie had never made life as miserable as she had been making it. Karen had only agreed to have Alex for dinner as an attempt to bribe her daughter into being less surly.

"Yeah. We're leaving right after your boyfriend does." Callie leaned her head closer, dropping her voice. "And I am going to be gone for the weekend with my latest boy toy, so if you wanted to hang with your boyfriend until Monday I won't say one word."

Mouth dropping open, Izzie fought back the urge to squeal. "Do you think we could talk? You know, just you and me?" Her hearted pounded when Callie nodded.

"Mom, Izzie's going with me to get the whipped cream," Callie yelled. Izzie hurried into her jacket, wincing when she caught the skin of her thumb in the zipper. Callie placed a hand in the middle of her back, propelling her out the door at a quicker pace than she would have gone. "Let me guess, this is about sex right?"

"How did you know?" Izzie could feel her face burning. She hadn't made up her mind if she was ready for sex or not, but she thought it better to know what she needed to do to be safe just in case. Their last night together things had gotten a little hot and heavy. They had progressed past the cop a feel stage to the oral sex, hand jobs, and 'almost sex' with their clothes still on. She had been so close to telling him she was ready, but had decided against it. Who wanted to lose their virginity in the back of an SUV parked on a side road? Not her.

"Because there is only two things we can't talk to mom about. Aunt Robert and sex." Callie laughed, looking over her shoulder as she backed her bright yellow Volkswagen Beetle out of the driveway. "Alright, what do you want to know?"

Izzie blinked. "Um, does it hurt? I mean, I know it's going to hurt a little the first time, but on a scale of one to ten, one being not at all and ten wanting to curl up and die, what would you rate the pain?"

"I don't know. I think it is different for everyone. Me, I would have to say my pain level was about a four at first and one by the end of it. Look, Iz, it's going to hurt, there is no way around that. If you're scared of a little pain then you, my dear, are not ready." Callie glanced over at her. "Not to mention you're-"

"Don't say I'm too young," Izzie warned. She was so tired of hearing that. She was too young. Her mom said it often enough. She didn't want to hear it from her sister as well.

"I wasn't going to. I was going to say you're going to have to look into birth control. Give me some credit, Izzie." Callie snapped. She swung the car into an empty parking spot outside a convenient store that offered a small grocery section. "I'm going to assume we're having this discussion because you are seriously thinking about having sex."

Nodding, Izzie chewed her lips, following Callie into the small store. She hadn't thought this conversation would be as embarrassing with Callie. She was wrong. Her sister was asking legitimate questions and she was to scared to answer them. "I'm on the pill already. Remember how whacky my period was? Dr. Higgins put me on birth control to regulate it. And I'm pretty sure Alex has condoms."

"Good. The last thing you want is to get pregnant at sixteen." They paused outside a cooler that held an almost non-existent variety of whipped cream. "Light or regular?"

"Regular. The light tastes like Styrofoam." Izzie yanked open the cooler, grabbing the last tub of regular. "We only need one right?"

"Far as I know." Reaching into her purse, Callie pulled out her wallet. As the clerk was ringing things up she slapped a box of condoms on the counter as well. "Just in case he doesn't," Callie murmured. Izzie's eyes widen, she turned on the ball of her foot and bolted out of the store.

Derek stood there in shock, watching the shiny, black Lexus round the corner. A lock of black hair falls over his forehead. He reached up to push it back, his hand shaking. He felt like he had just lost his best friend, and he had no idea how it had happened.

"Did she run away crying?" Nancy asked, coming to stand next to him. Slowly, he turned to look at her. Her pretty was didn't look so pretty with a satisfied smirk on her face. "Honestly, Derek, you finally decide to get a girlfriend and you choose that?" She gestured in the direction Meredith had driven.

"You don't even know her!" Derek snapped. "And where did you hear about those things? I sure as hell didn't tell you." It had stunned him, having Nancy spew forth Meredith's darkest secrets. He should have said something, should have told Nancy to shut up. Instead, he had stood there, stunned, and then when he could have made things better he made them worse. He hadn't meant for Meredith to think he was talking about the rape or the way she had come to be in Milton when he said Nancy had said some things that were true. He had been talking about the hospital, Meredith being allowed to watch surgeries. He had remained quiet out of jealousy. He would have killed to sit in on surgery.

"I overheard you talking on the phone with that kid…Alex. You guys were talking about what a bitch her mom was, and how the woman had paid the school to take Meredith off her hands. That should tell you something Derek. Her own mother…" She snapped her mouth shut when he shook his head, his anger radiating from his icy blue gaze.

"You don't know anything about Meredith's mom." Derek seethed. This wasn't the sister he had grown up looking up to. He barely knew the slender woman standing next to him.

"Okay. Fine. Maybe I don't. What about her getting drunk and having a threesome huh? Nice girls don't do that." Nancy defended. She never knew when to stop.

"She went to a party Nancy and some guy put something in her drink. She didn't have a threesome, she was raped." He shouldn't be having this conversation, but Nancy had left him with no choice. She had made something that wasn't her business everyone's business. "She was just now starting to not blame herself. To realize she didn't do anything wrong. If you had eavesdropped properly you would have heard Alex and I talking about that too." He doesn't wait to see how his sister would respond to that. He headed back into the house to beg his mom for the keys to the car.

Hands shoved into the pockets of his faded blue jeans, Alex shifted around on the small cement square that served as a 'front' porch of Izzie's home. It had been at least two minutes since had rung the doorbell. He supposed he could ring it again, but he could hear his mother's voice complaining about someone ringing the bell to often at their home. He ducked his head as a gust of wind sends a small eave of snow flying from the roof. He muttered a curse under his breath as some of the small, icy white flakes made their way down the back of his neck.

The crunch of tires on ice had him glancing out of the corner of his eye. A bright yellow Volkswagen barely missed side swiping his Navigator as it slid into the drive way at an awkward angle.

"Out!" A dark haired young woman wearing a lipstick red wool trench coat scrambled out of the passenger side. "I mean it Izzie. Out. You can just deal with Mom and her mini-van."

He couldn't help but grin as a familiar tall blonde climbed out of the drivers side. "You can't do that Callie! You don't have any idea how nervous she makes me!" She hadn't straightened her hair, instead it hung in soft curls around her shoulders. She hated fixing her hair that way, but he loved it. "Plus she always brings Hannah with her. You now what a brat she is. She never shuts up!"

"Kinda like you," Callie shot back, almost slipping to the ice covered sidewalk when her pace up the walk became a bit too brisk. Her arms flung out and she balanced herself almost perfectly. Her eyes widen when she noticed him standing there. "Oh. Hello."

"Alex!" Izzie squealed. Despite the ice she bolted across the slippery yard, skidding right into his arms. He closed his eyes, holding her close. He couldn't put a name to what he felt for her, but it was big, something he had never felt before. He buried his face in her fruit scented curls, pressing a kiss to her neck. She turned her head, covering his mouth with her's.

"Break it up. Mom see's that and your going to spend the rest of vacation locked in the basement." Callie chuckled. She glanced at Alex. "By the way, when you leave, don't leave town. Make a stop at the Quick Trip."

Alex frowned, watching as the dark haired woman entered the house. "My mom is shipping me off with Callie…my sister," Izzie explained. "Only Callie doesn't want to deal with me this weekend, so she's dumping me off on you." She moved her mouth closer to his ear. "I was thinking maybe we could pick up where we left off." His body reacted instantly, adrenaline pumping through his veins and his cock growing hard. He tried to tell himself to not get too excited, she said pick up where they left off, not that they would go further. "I'm pretty sure I'm ready, buy we can stop if I'm not, right?"

His heart skidded to a halt. She was talking about going further. Fear shone in her large, dark eyes. "We don't have to." He was a bit surprised by how much he meant it. "I mean, if you're not ready or scared…"

A big smile lit up her face. "I know. I want to though." Her voice dropped. "I'm not scared of having sex. If I looked scared it is because my mom has been a bit too nice lately. She is never nice. Never. Especially about boys."

Alex nodded as though he understand. He had no clue. His parents weren't around enough for him to know when they were being too nice or not. His old nanny was another story. He could peg her emotions to a tee. "It'll be fine Iz. Mom's love me."

"Maybe the one's who care about your trust fund, yeah. My mom isn't like them." He couldn't help laughing. "I'm serious Alex. The only thing my mom cares about is being right. And right now she is determined to prove to me that you're only using me."

"How am I using you? I'm just as smart. I mean, yeah I faked the whole tutor me in math thing to get to know you but…that doesn't really count. And we're not sleeping together." The yet hung unspoken between them. "Seriously? She thinks I'm using you?"

"Mom says kitchen. Now." A young girl of eleven or so stuck her head out the front door. "Oh. Hi. You must be Alex. I'm Hannah. I guess you can go to the kitchen too."

He followed Izzie and Hannah into the modest brick home, a bit uncomfortable in the well lived in abode. His parents houses were always shrines of sorts. Displays of their wealth. This was an actual home.

They filed down a narrow hallway into a well lit kitchen his parent's chef would cringe over. He liked it though. The hand stenciled apples on the cream colored walls. The dark green cabinets with little apples for the handles. A tall, shapely woman with long dark blonde hair and sharp blue eyes stood next to the stove wearing a Garfield print apron. She stared at him for a minute, then held out her hand. "I'm Karen. Izzie's mom.

"Alex. Izzie's boyfriend." He felt like an idiot for introducing himself like that, but didn't know any other way. Her hand shake was firm, nothing like the limp squeeze his mother always gave. "Thank you for inviting me."

"You're welcome. Izzie, could you please help me out a bit here. Grandma's on her way, and you know how she is if we don't eat on time." Karen shoved a dark blue apron in Izzie's direction. "If you would mash the potatoes and then transfer them into a different bowl that would be great." Izzie rolled her eyes, snatching the apron.

Alex settled himself onto the stool Karen had offered to him and watched as all four of the females in Izzie's family set about various tasks. It had never been like this at him house. Dinner was catered in or they went out. He could get use to this. He caught Izzie's gaze and smiled. Really use to it.

Heart broken sobs echoed in the large foyer. In a corner behind the beveled glass door, Meredith sat curled in a ball, sobbing. She had trusted him, given him her heart, and how had he repaid her? He had told his family all her dark and twisty memories. Not only had he told them, he had distorted the facts.

The sound of keys jingling had her jerking her head up. A moment later a pair of black ballet flats with leopard print trim appear. "Meredith?" Ellis frowned down at her, an odd emotion in her normally cool, blue-green eyes. "What in God's name are you doing down there?" Her arms crossed over her crisp, white blouse. "Is this about that boy you wanted to go see today?"

Meredith couldn't help it. She burst into uncontrollable laughter. The laughter didn't last long, all too soon the sobs overtook her again. "Oh good Lord," Ellis sighed, adjusting her long, tailored trousers, before kneeling next to where her daughter was scrunched. "What did he do?"

Blinking, Meredith stared at her mother. It wasn't like Ellis to ask questions out of concern. She wasn't sure what to make of the situation. First Derek did the unthinkable and blabbed her secrets, and now her mother was acting like a mother. "He told his sister some things I wish he hadn't," she said tentatively.

"What sort of things?" Ellis demanded, smoothing her hands down the front of her pants. Her hands next went up to her smooth, shoulder length blonde hair. There was no reason for her to mess with the glossy locks, but still she tucked her hair behind her ears.

"Just things." Meredith lifted on shoulder, glancing at the floor. She wasn't certain if she should tell her mother what Derek's bitch of a sister had taunted her with. She certainly couldn't tell her about the rape. "He told them that you shipped me off to Milton because you didn't want me around." She peeked up at her mother, expecting some sort of backlash.

"Do you think that's why I sent you to Milton?" Ellis asked, her voice quiet. Meredith lifted her shoulder again. She did think it, she just wasn't brave enough to voice it aloud. "Well, I didn't. I sent you because you weren't happy here. Don't bother saying you were. We both know you weren't. You were wearing all black, dying your hair hideous colors, and let's not forget the suicide note. Maybe I should have taken you to a psychiatrist like your father-"

Meredith cut in, "You've talked to my dad?" She barely remembered the fair haired man with the shy grin that was her father. One day he had been there, the next he had been gone forever.

"I did, yes. It wasn't hard to find him. The bastard has been in Bremerton all these years playing house with his new wife and daughters." Bitterness edged Ellis' voice. "It wasn't easy for me, looking him up, I can tell you that. I just thought…I don't know…a girl needs their father." She sighed. "I tried to tell him what was going on, but he didn't want to hear it. Said if you were that troubled maybe you should see a psychiatrist. I know you better than him though. Talking to some shrink wasn't going to do any good. Since I seemed to be the problem, I thought getting away would help. And it has, hasn't it?"

"I suppose," Meredith admitted weakly. Getting away from her mother had helped. Not entirely, but enough. "Did my dad ask to see me?" She wasn't sure why she asked the question, in her heart she already knew the answer. Thatcher Grey had a new family and had no room in his life for her. It was a bit exciting to think she had sisters, it was also a bit heart breaking as well. She had been easily replaced.

Ellis hesitated. "Do you want to see him?"

That wasn't an answer, it was an avoidance of the question. "I…I don't know," Meredith admitted. A small part of her did, if for no other reason than to ask him why he had left her. She could understand him leaving her mother, but her? What sort of man left his daughter? "I guess maybe one day I might. Ask him why."

"Oh, Mer, he didn't leave because of you," Ellis shook her head. "He left because, in his words, I sucked him dry. He had to leave." She shifted her position, bringing her body closer to Meredith's. "Now, back to this boy, was that the only thing he said?"

She couldn't do it. No matter how understanding her mother was being right now, she couldn't bring herself to tell her about the rape. Especially since she wasn't sure if it had been rape at all. Maybe Derek's sister was right, and she had just gotten so drunk she decided or agreed to have a threesome. Maybe she was that girl, and if so she didn't want her mother knowing it. "Pretty much. I really cared about him. I thought…maybe…I…you know…loved him. Love isn't this painful though."

Ellis laughed, startling Meredith. "Oh, Meredith, love is always painful." They both look towards the door when the bell rang. The silhouette of a tall, boy stood there. "Is that him?" Meredith nodded. "Do you want me to get rid of him?"

"No. This is something I have do. Thank you though." Impulsively, Meredith pressed a soft kiss to her mother's cheek.

Sweat coated the palms of Derek's hands. On the other side of the ornate door he could see a slender woman with perfectly styled hair in a white blouse and black pants staring out at him. He knew without being told that she was Meredith's mother, they had the same delicate features and slender form. He forced himself to smile as the door swung open.

"Can I help you?" She asked. Her voice was almost as cold as her frosty blue-green eyes. A chill ran down Derek's back.

"Is…is…Meredith home?" He knew that she was, the car she had driven was parked in the driveway. If her mother said no he would have to accept that, but he wouldn't give up. He would talk Meredith, and he would try to salvage what they had.

"Yes, actually, she is." The woman's fingers curled around the door. His gaze was instantly drawn to her hands. Those hands were worth almost a million dollars. "If you will follow me." She opened the door further, permitting him to enter. A lump formed in his throat as he stepped into the house. The antiques in the foyer alone would pay for his family's home.

He followed Ellis into what he assumed was a living room. There was no television or sign of a cabinet were one could be hidden. A large white sofa faced a glass wall with the most breath taking view of Puget Sound he had ever seen. His mouth silently formed the word wow. Sitting in a chair that was made of the same white fabric was Meredith. The puffiness around her eyes and the sad frown on her face gnawed at his stomach. He had done that to her, he was responsible for her tears.

"Meredith, I'm going to see to dinner." Ellis gave him a narrowed eyed glance before disappearing down a small hallway.

"I'm sorry," Derek blurted out. Not the most eloquent of apologies, but he was hoping his sincerity would make up for it. She didn't say anything, just looked at him from sad, green eyes. "You have to know I didn't tell Nancy any of those things. She over heard Alex and me talking, and she didn't even hear the whole conversation. Those things she said…it was just her being a bitch. I don't know why, but she just is. It's nothing personal." He winced. Nothing personal? His sister had, in not so many words, called Meredith a slut.

"Nothing personal? I think she was very personal." Meredith snapped. She shook her head. The sadness was leaving her eyes, being replaced by anger. "Not only was she personal, you let her! You let her say those things to me. She shouldn't have said them, and you shouldn't have let her!" Her voice had raised an octave. He had never seen her this way before, so angry. "I thought you were different, that you actually cared. You're just like everyone else, though. The only person you care about is you."

"That isn't true," Derek defended. He did care. He cared more than he thought he would. She wasn't just some girl. She was Meredith. She was special. She had to realize that. She had to know he felt that way. She had to.

"It is. If it wasn't you wouldn't be apologizing. There wouldn't be anything to apologize for." She unfolded her tiny body from the chair. "I think it's time for you to leave."

"Meredith, please, will you just listen? Please!" Derek pleaded. She shook her head, crossing her arms. The stubborn tilt of her chin told him he wasn't going to get anywhere with her. "Okay. Fine. I understand. You're hurt right now. I'm not giving up on you though. I refuse to give up on you." He offered her a sad smile, then let himself out of the house.

With fingers that trembled slightly Izzie reached for the hem of her sweater. She took a deep breath then tugged it over her head. It fell to the maroon tiled floor of Alex's bathroom. Her khaki pants soon followed. They had been at his aunt's house for almost two hours when the vivacious blonde who looked more like a life size barbie then someone's aunt had left to make her rounds in the casinos that populated nearby Atlantic City. His sister Gwen, had bolted out the door soon after, muttering something about a party she had been invited to. There had been no reason for them to stay down stairs or to put off going to bed.

Izzie chewed her lip, glancing down at her semi clad body. Her breasts had grown a little since the start of school, or so Alex claimed. She really couldn't complain about her stomach or hips, they were almost perfect. Almost because she didn't like her belly button or the fact that her hips seemed a bit bony. Would Alex notice those things, she wondered as she unclasped her bra. Her brow wrinkled, as she pulled on the soft, cotton camisole she had bought. It was pale pink with white lace edging, a perfect match to the boy cut panties she wore, as well as the capri length pajama pants that sat on the marble topped vanity. The pants seemed a bit too much, so she opted for just the camisole and panties.

Taking a deep breath, she exited the bathroom and entered Alex's bedroom. Her heart pounded. They had discussed whether or not they were going to actually do it on the drive from her parents house. He had made it clear they didn't have to. He had no idea how much that had meant to her, knowing that she had the option to change her mind. She wouldn't though. This wasn't for just for him, it was for her to. She was ready.

He sat with his back against the head board, his head bent down as he fidgeted with the hem of his black flannel pants. He didn't look up until she placed one knee on the edge of the bed. His hazel eyes widened a bit as they took in her skimpy attired. His full lips tilt upward in a grin, bringing a blush to her cheeks. She didn't know why she was so embarrassed, he had seen her almost naked before. This was different though. Soon he would see her naked. "I…I wasn't sure about what to wear," she mumbled. She shifted around on the mattress, pulling back the covers. Keeping her eyes downcast, she slid under them, almost relieved to have her body covered.

"You look really pretty," Alex said softly. She jumped slightly when she realized he had crawled under the covers as well. She tried to will herself to calm down, but didn't succeed. Her heart was pounding ninety to nothing, and her breath came in small pants. "Hey, you okay?" He brushed a lock of hair from her cheek. Unable to speak, she nodded. "You sure? Because, you know, we don't have to do anything. We can just go to sleep."

Izzie shook her head. She didn't want to sleep. She rolled onto her side, facing him. She didn't know how to go about any of this. Did he start? Did she? She opened her mouth, ready to ask, when he grazed his lips across her's. She returned the favor. It was a game of their's, teasing each other with fleeting kisses. She inched her body closer, a warmth starting between her legs. Her eyes closed he curved one hand behind her neck. His tongue teased her lips apart, sweeping into her mouth. He slid his other hand up her thigh, his fingers pausing at the edge of her panties before moving them out of the way. She stiffened slightly when she felt the tips of two fingers starting to enter her. They had never used more than one, and the sensation of having two inside her wasn't one she was sure she liked. They burned, making her squirm. She frowned as he continued to slide them in and out.

"You have to relax," he whispered against her lips. She nodded, squirming again when he withdrew, then reinserted his fingers. The burning was starting to fade, being replaced by the usual tingling she felt in her belly. Izzie moved her hand toward the waist band of his pajama pants. She had done this more times than she could remember. Her fingers wrapped around his thick cock, moving up and down the length of it. She doesn't do it with her usual vigor, there would be no need to bring him to release, not this way.

Alex moved his hand out from between her legs, settling it on her hip. She slid her hand up his length one last time, then withdrew her hand. His eyes met her's for a fleeting second before he kissed her again. While their tongues danced against one another, he rolled her onto her back, settling between her legs. A shiver raced down her spine when she felt his hands reaching for the hem of her camisole. She twisted her body beneath his, working her upper body free of the garment. The warmth of his bare chest against her naked breasts add to the ache growing between her legs. She wanted to tell him to hurry, to stop with all the foreplay already, but she didn't. She was in no hurry for the pain, and she was informed enough to know it would hurt.

"Are you ready or..?" He left the question up in the air. The ball was in her court. She couldn't help worrying her lower lip before saying yes. Her heart caught in her throat, and an odd twisting started in her stomach, as she lifted her butt off the bed just enough for him to drag her panties off. Her fingers curl into the sheets, and she stared up the ceiling. The bed moved a bit as Alex discarded her panties over the side of the bed, a long with his pants. "Are you really sure?"

"Yeah. I'm sure," Izzie answered, a bit startled at how certain she sounded when she felt anything but. He lowered his mouth to her's again. She engaged in the kiss eagerly, wrapping her arms around his neck. The twisting in her stomach intensified when she felt the tip of his cock nudging her dampened folds apart. The word stop teetered on the tip of her tongue. The burning his fingers had caused was nothing compared to the burning his dick was causing. She could feel her body stretching, accommodating his large shaft.

"Do you want me to stop?" Alex asked. Again? She bit back a nasty reply, shaking her instead. She just wanted this first time over with. It was suppose to be good after this, amazing even, according to Cristina. She wanted that. Amazing. And she couldn't have that if they didn't do this first. "Okay," he muttered. She let out a shriek as he fully entered her, piercing through her innocence.

Tears filled her eyes when he withdrew, then entered her again. It wasn't suppose to hurt this bad. Was it? She felt like her body was being ripped in two. "Stop!" She cried, unable to take it anymore. "Please. Alex. Just stop!"

"Izzie, I…" She shook her head, sobbing harder. He stilled, not moving. Some of the tension left her body. His hands cupped her face, pushing her hair back. "Do you want me to…you know…stop, stop?"

"Yes. Maybe. No. It just…I didn't think it would hurt this much." Izzie let out a shuddering breath.

"We should stop." She wrapped her legs around his waist to prevent him from withdrawing. "Izzie, I don't want to hurt…"

"I'm fine, okay? See." She plastered a too bright grin on her face, bringing a laugh to his lips. She lifted her head, her mouth meeting his. She focused on the kissing, trying hard to not tense back up when he started moving inside her again. Underneath the burning and pain, she could feel some of the tingle coming back. She would cling to that. She just had to get through this first time…first.


	26. Welcome Back To School

-1**Author's Note: I decided to take creative liberty with this update. By that I mean our favorite teens are back at school, about to attend the annual New Year's Eve Bash. I don't know if this is something the actual Milton does or not, but the school a friend of mine went to did. They would host the party in an attempt to keep the students safe and to have them back on campus in time for first day back, January 2. **

December 31

Boston, Massachusetts

"…got the most amazing, totally adorable tea cup poodle!"

Cristina's mouth twitched, the words 'shut up' on the tip of her tongue. She clutched a vented hair brush in her fist, a blow dryer in the other, wondering how much trouble she would get into for chunking them at her roommate. Sydney had been back for two hours, and every second of those two hours she had prattled on and on about how amazing, how wonderful, how delightful her Christmas break was. Who cared? Not Cristina. She had spent the holiday flitting from party to party and having sex with guys whose names she couldn't remember, didn't want to remember.

"…and then my best friend Gigi and I…"

Using her thumb, Cristina flipped the blow dryer's switch on. She separated a chunk of her hair from the rest of it with the brush, situating the heat directly on it while she pulled it out straight. Sadly, over the din of the hair dryer she can still hear Sydney yammering on. With any luck the girl would be talked out by the time Cristina finished drying her hair.

Thirty minutes later, Cristina discovered luck wasn't on her side. Sydney had a lot to tell and seemed hell bent on telling it all in one setting. Pressing her lips in a thin line, she tucked her dryer into the top drawer of her dresser, removing her large make up bag before shutting the brimming drawer. If she had to listen to a chipper voice telling her how amazing their Christmas break was then the voice was going to belong to someone she actually cared about.

"Are you going some where?" Sydney asked, her dark eyes widening when she noticed Cristina gathering up the red silk halter top and black pants she planned to that night's New Year's Bash.

"Izzie wanted my help getting ready," Cristina lied. She wasn't certain if Izzie had made it back yet, but she was almost positive she had heard the other girl's voice in the hallway.

"Oh. Okay, well have fun. We can talk tonight." Sydney wiggled her fingers in a silly, little girl wave. Cristina rolled her eyes, then rushed from the room.

Tension, mixed with a dash of anticipation and need, hummed through Izzie's body as she slid the lone window in her dorm room open. She couldn't help but grin when Alex wedged his large body through the narrow opening. While it was perfect for slender girls it presented a tight squeeze for tall, muscular boys. She clapped her hands over her mouth when he landed on his back.

"What are you doing here?" Izzie whispered, closing the window before anymore of the frosty air could seep inside. She shivered, partially from the cold and partially from the hot, wet kiss Alex had pressed to her neck.

"I missed you," Alex murmured in her ear, sliding one hand under her navy blue long sleeved Henley. She pressed back against him, her breathing quickening as he cupped one breast in the palm of his hand.

"You seen me an hour ago. We rode back to school together, remember?" The hand worked its way under her bra. She bit her lip, trying not to moan when he toyed with her nipple. She twisted away from him, turning to face him.

"So? It was the longest hour of my life," Alex pulled her body up flush against his. She grinned when she felt the hard length of his cock pressing against her lower abdomen. Her grin widened as she shoved his heavy jacket off his shoulders, then gripped the hem of his sweater in her fingers. The sweater soon joined the jacket, along with the rest of his clothing. Her's soon followed suit.

"You have a condom right?" She asked, her dark eyes searching his hazel ones. With the exception of the first time they had been religious about protection. She didn't trust the 99.9 guarantee her birth control pill professed to have.

Alex grinned, reaching over the side of the bed. He dug around in his back pocket and pulled out a small foil package. "Right here," he pressed a kiss to her collar bone, then moved away to sheath himself. Once the condom was in place, he fit himself between her legs. A moan escaped her lips when she felt him entering. The first time had been awful, the second time not much better, but every time after that had been heaven.

"Izzie? Are you here?" Cristina's voice drifted through the closed door. Izzie's mouth opens to tell Cristina to go away, when Alex slid out, then back in. She couldn't help moaning. "Are you okay?" The door handle jiggled. Her eyes widen. Had she locked the door? No. She didn't think she had. "Oh my God!"

"Cristina!" Izzie shrieked, her cheeks flaming. Her first instinct was to grab her sheet and pull it over her naked body. She couldn't though, not with Alex still on top of her.

"Wow. Guess little miss innocent isn't so innocent anymore," Cristina chuckled, fully entering the dorm room. She turned her back while Alex scrambled to grab his boxer shorts and jeans. "I'm going to assume this is a recent development between the two of you?"

"Oh God, Cristina, please," Izzie begged. She wrapped her arms around her naked upper torso. She couldn't be any more humiliated. "Will you just go!"

"Sorry. I can't. Happy go lucky Sydney is in my room as we speak going on and on about her new toy poodle and some weirdo named Gigi." Cristina set her make up box on top of the empty dresser across the room, carelessly tossing her clothing on the nearby bed. "Don't worry. You can get dressed. I won't look."

"I'm going to go," Alex whispered, tugging his jeans on. Izzie nodded, anger boiling deep within her stomach. She watched as he exited the same way he entered. Once he was gone, she turned her gaze on Cristina.

"I can't believe you!" Izzie cried, letting the sheet drop. She grimaced as the wiggled back into her panties. She pulled her top on without bothering with her bra. "Have you not heard of knocking?"

"Have you not heard of locking the door?" Cristina shot back. She looked over her shoulder, a smile on her face. "So, you're a woman now?" She laughed when a pillow hit her in the face.

A blast of cold air engulfed Meredith as she climbed out of the back seat of the black sedan her mother had hired to drive her from the air port to Milton. Her gaze is drawn to the yellow Audi that had pulled up at almost the same time. A tall boy unfolded from it, his short cropped dark hair spiked in every direction. She couldn't see his eyes behind the dark Dolce and Gabana sunglasses but his lips were full and sensual. Kissing lips, Addison would have called them.

"Dylan Westfield."

Meredith turned around. Erica Hahn stood there, looking as perfect as always in a spotless white wool trench coat and heeled boots. "Who?"

Erica's lips tilted up in a small smile. "The hottie you're staring at. His name is Dylan Westfield. His parents are divorced, so he only attends second semester. First semester he is stuck in Tacoma, Washington at some public school." She moved closer to where Meredith stood. "Every girl here has tried to capture his interest, but alas he thinks mere high school girls are boring. He only dates college girls."

Meredith lifted one eyebrow. Since when did Erica talk to her as though they were friends? "So he's from Washington as well?" It was the only thing she could think of to say. It wasn't as though Erica and she were friends. Far from it, they had a mutual animosity.

"Yup." They stood side by side, watching as Dylan shoved his hands into the back pockets of his designer jeans. A smile curved his sensual lips as he strolled in their direction. Meredith couldn't explain why but her heart started pounding. A silly grin spread across her face. Her only saving grace was Erica wore a similar one.

"I'm going to kill her!" The grin slid from Meredith's face as Alex stumbled toward her, clutching his pants up with one hand. She lifted an eye brow. She longed to ask why his pants were undone and where his shirt had gone as he didn't appear to be wearing one beneath his thick ski jacket.

"Kill who?" Meredith asked, her eyes focusing once more on Dylan. He had paused a mere two feet away. She gulped, loving and hating the effect he was having on her.

"Cristina that's, who!" Alex said through clenched teeth. He scowled, fastening his pants. "She has the worse timing."

"Karev," Dylan chuckled. Alex looked up, stunned. The shock quickly gave way to an easy grin. "Good to see that some things never change." Alex's grin faded to a scowl. At first Meredith thought it was because of what Dylan had said, then she spotted the reason: Rebecca. The petite brunette was half running, half skipping towards them.

"Actually quite a bit has changed." Alex shot back. He zipped his jacket, but not before Meredith caught site of a small bite mark near his neck. So help him if he was cheating on Izzie. She would hurt him. She would slowly, painfully make him pay.

"Really?" Dylan didn't sound convinced. Meredith couldn't blame him. Rebecca had made a beeline right for Alex, throwing her arms around him.

"I've missed you." The older girl gushed. "Please tell me you've come to your senses." Alex gripped her wrists in his hands, untangling her from his neck. She pouted when he shoved her aside. She turned the pout on Dylan. "He is still getting back at me for Charlie," she explained.

"You know what Rebecca, I really could care less about Charlie." Alex snapped. The anger on his face told another story.

"He's dating this really pathetic girl. Like I'm going to be jealous of some scholarship kid." Rebecca rolled her eyes.

"Aren't you a scholarship kid?" Dylan mused. Rebecca's eyes widen. Erica laughed. "You were last year. And the year before that. Come to think of it, you've been one the whole time I've had the misfortune of knowing you." He winked in Meredith's direction, sending her heart rate through the roof.

Rebecca sputtered some unintelligible nonsense about needing to unpack, her face flaming as she ran back in the direction from which she had come. Meredith almost felt sorry for her. Almost. It was hard to feel to badly for someone as horrible as Rebecca.

"And you said things had changed," Dylan clucked, slapping Alex on the arm. "Glad you wised up about Blow Job Becky." The scowl on Alex's face darkened. "Oh come on. Its not like you didn't know. Girl's got skills on her knees. I'll give her that."

"I think I had best go," Erica murmured. She hadn't walked three steps before she was pulling her cell phone out. Clearly she wasn't the friend Rebecca thought she was because the last thing Meredith heard was Erica telling someone named Jillian that Rebecca had given more blow jobs than someone named Cecile.

"…meet my friend Meredith."

The mention of her name has her snapping to attention. She fought the urge to giggle as Dylan took her hand. "Tis a pleasure to meet you," the other boy murmured.

"Like wise," Meredith responded. He had slid the black glasses on top his head, revealing eyes that were the color of the ocean. She could drown in his eyes. Would have if Alex hadn't asked if she was going to that night's bash. "I'm not sure. I don't really feel like going alone," She said, hating how pathetic she sounded.

"So don't go alone," Dylan grinned. "Go with me."


End file.
